this is my small story ablut a clone that was on a mission to destroy the home base on another planet but ends up with alot more than a destroyed base


clone #546
a simple duty.one simple home base on another planet.
the main command was furious at the clones last duty of trying to sneak into the other rocket project bases so they sent him far away to this planet.the clone ws coming up to the planes but was suddenly struck by a huge green beam and then on the main screen it was flashing "
Engine depleted fuel low".the clone had to turn around or he would surely die from the fall to the planet.he quickly turned around and used the last pieces of energy left to fly over to a small asteroid.the ship was slowly drifting towars the asteroid and then slowly as ever landed on the asteroid.the clone brought up the area scan screen and researched the asteroid. The Screen brought up these resdings

Gravity Rating: 6
Life rating:3
Mineral Ammount (per ton):55
Signs of movement: north west
gas types: unknown


the clone got out his thermo hazard suit and steped outside his ship and started walking towars the signs of movement on the other side of a huge crater.
one there he saw a small building ablut the size of a 1 story house.he walked up to it and on the door was a small button. of cause the clone pushed it
and the door slowly slid open. All of a sudden a brush of gas went past his arm,the clone didint notice it until it disintergrated his suit the clone started to panic and took a few steps back and took of his suit hoping the gas would not kill him.

end of chapter 1

by the way i am realy bad at spelling because in only 13

By the way, age has nothing to do with spelling. Thirteen year olds can be perfectly competent, but instead choose to be ignorant.

List of things wrong:
No capitalization.
Lack of proper punctuation and grammar.
Improper spelling.
Story told from a "bad" point of view.

All these things come together to make this story...

GENERALLY UNINTERESTING!

Professor Eric says:

I agree 100%.

You are unimaginative and like to rip off of Dauss' story. Very dull writing. One of the reasons why I hate kids.

Umm.

...

No comment..?

This is just a horrible version of yours.

Oh.. Oh I noticed...

I just...

Yeah.

Like...ZOMGWDFMAXIMDUDESHOULDFLAMETHISBBQ horrible.

Yeah, like, "No flaming, just harsh criticism."

I've honestly had enough of Maximdude's "LIEK OMG UR STORY SUXORZTOTHAMAXLOLWORDIMADEUPTHAT'SLONGANDFULLOFANGER"

Yeah well....blatant almost story stealing angers me lots. /quote pyramid.

Well, I tired not to pass judgement, hence the no comment remark...

But come on Alenth... Does anything really have to be said that hasn't already been said by Shade or Father Venn..?

No, now this should be locked and killed.

... I kind of like the story. It's the fact that you blamed your spelling on your age that made me not want to read it.

Why is this in General, again?