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 Story I'm Typing, 

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 Story I'm Typing, 
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Joined: Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:50 pm
Posts: 419
Location: KS
Post Story I'm Typing,
Red = Not the Story

This is a story I've been writing in my keyboarding class throughout this semester, tell me what you think...


Chapter 1: Greetings,




Nall laid in wait as the patrol walked by. It would take more than Skill to get into the bandit’s camp. It would take a sufficient amount of luck as well. As soon as the patrol walked out of hearing range, Nall veiled himself and crept toward the first tent. A single bandit lay asleep in the tent, apparently clutching an amulet. “That amulet belonged to my father.”

Nall hissed, loud enough for the man to wake up to a blade at his throat. Luckily, the man didn’t scream as his corpse fell back, a small gasp escaped his lips. “A bit too close, maybe I should slay them while they sleep next time.”

Nall said to himself. As he veiled, he retrieved the amulet and stuffed it into his pack. Unfortunately, a bandit standing close by had heard the amulet being stuffed, and walked over to investigate. Nall had barely veiled himself in time when the bandit walked in. The man saw his dead partner and was about to scream when a leather band slid over his mouth and a blade pierced his back.

Nall checked the second dead man for anything of value since he retrieved his father’s amulet of which his goal was. Finding a few silver, he veiled and set off back to his home in the town of North Haven. Along the way he encountered a stag, still unaware of his presence and decided he was hungry. Nall un-slung his bow and notched an arrow. He let the arrow fly and it hit dead center. The stag flopped over and Nall retrieved the body. “A shame to die like this, but you shall be in a better place.” Nall said to the stag’s corpse. He slung his bow and lifted the heavy body. As soon as Nall reached North Haven he wished he hadn’t.

Every building that was still standing was either about to fall or burning, dead villagers scattered about the town. Half-eaten corpses littered the road, and he could hear screams coming from the Blacksmith. Nall dropped the stag and unsheathed his long sword. As soon as he arrived at the building he could hear a ravenous gurgle suggesting that some sort of undead creature attacked, but it couldn’t be a single creature, because the village had guards stationed around it, but he soon realized that the guards were the creatures.

Some sort of spell had been cast over them to turn them to…things. He looked into the Blacksmith to see the last villagers being consumed by the undead horrors, and he was filled with a sudden rage that would burn a man. A sudden ripple in the air around Nall enveloped him into a sleep that had a strange feeling. Was he being turned into one of those horrors? He thought to himself, considering that he couldn’t yell no matter how hard he tried. What’s going on? He thought, trying to figure out what was going on in this, whatever it was.

Suddenly a blinding light penetrated the darkness that was consuming him. He shielded his eyes and started walking toward the light as it increased in size. Was he dead? He wondered. The strange light started changing colors, as if trying to tell him something. But what was it? A large voice suddenly boomed, “Nall, you do not die today, nor will you die soon. Your tale is only beginning.”

“What’s happening?” Nall inquired to the strange light.

“You were cast a spell on, bringing you to me. It was I who turned your guardsmen into the horrors that destroyed your village. You must move on, your destiny guides you away from North Haven.” The voice boomed, with a strange feeling of authority.

“Why must you kill them all? Why not simply lead me away!” Nall yelled.

“You must not look back at what was there, if nothing is there, you could not dream of returning.” The voice replied. Nall’s fury subsided, letting him breath normally again, but his anger remained. The voice boomed again, “Nall, your father’s amulet, keep it safe. It will guide you on your search for your true destiny, and with its completion, comes the life of which you had, long ago.”

Nall was confused, true destiny? Life long ago? None of it made much sense, but it seemed wise to try and grasp what was there now, and what to do. Nall said,” What do you mean by all of this?”

But the voice was gone. Nall started wandering around the infinite darkness trying to find a way out. Nall noticed that another light was off in the distance and he decided to go investigate this new source of light. As he came upon it, it looked like the last light, and he asked who it was. The light replied in a more feminine voice than the last light. It replied, “Ah yes Nall, we’ve been waiting. Hand me your weaponry.”

Nall hesitated before asking why, and the voice said again with a slight bit of irritation, “Why do you question me and not the other guide?”

Nall then thought that it was best to follow these ‘guides’ whoever they were. It was best to do as they say, since they apparently knew what was going on. He unsheathed his sword, drew his dagger from his boot and re-strung his bow. When he handed them to the light, it sounded amused, and chuckled, “your weapons are hand-made I expect? Fairly good for something not made by Tanil, here. The light glowed brilliantly then flashed bright white and produced the weaponry, but it had some slight changes in it. Such as, well, everything.

The sword was re-done and looked glorious, it had a gold trim, silver blade, and a blue aurora covering the entire blade. The handle was made of the finest wood, smooth and hard. The dagger was nearly the same, except with a yellow aurora. The bow was nothing like the others, considering it was a ranged weapon and not a melee weapon, it was much thicker and had o gold on it instead, a new bow and a quiver of silver of arrows, he could also put his bow back and keep it strung.

It was an amazing sight, all of this glorious weaponry. “Can I have some new armor as well as this weaponry?” Nall asked, smirking slightly.

“That depends on if you deserve it” a feminine voice answered.

Nall looked around for the owner of the voice,”who’s there?” and pivoted to a small shuffle. Nall thought he just saw the most beautiful women he’d ever see when she said “Nay, I m not the most beautiful, just one of, the most beautiful,” The woman smiled and tilted her head, “you really should keep your thoughts to yourself, they are most embarrassing. Nall asked, “Are you reading my mind?” Nall tilted his head as well and stared at the woman. “You don’t have to tilt your head at me, just getting a better look at you.” Tanil chuckled.

“You could have told me that,” Nall said, moving his head straight up again. “That was starting to hurt my neck.

“It’s hard not to, your mind is as open as any inn,” Tanil remarked and made a sound in her throat as if she were fed up with him. “Anyways, you really should close your mind, anyone who wanted to could read it.” Tanil said.

“I would appreciate it if I knew how to close it.” Nall answered, annoyed at how she regarded him as a moron.

“Are you willing to take the time to learn, Nall?” Tanil questioned, making Nall uneasy about how easy it was going to be to actually learn how. Nall thought it might be fairly hard, considering that Tanil wanted to know if he was willing.

“It’s not hard” Tanil spoke, startling Nall at how she answered his question he was thinking. “But its not that easy either, you must be focused and determined to finally grasp just how to do it.” Tanil finished, speaking with authority. Nall decided he didn’t actually have to talk, just think it, when he asked “Could you please stop reading my thoughts? It’s getting on my nerves at how I don’t have to actually ask it for you to answer.”

Tanil replied “Well we should get started on closing your mind then, shall we?” Tanil asked, as though not expecting an answer she walked over to a field in some pretend reality. “Over here, the first thing to do is read others thoughts.” Nall walked over to Tanil and noticed a rabbit in the field. “To read ones thoughts, you must concentrate on your target, and then think to read, as though it were a book. Nall tried the first time on the rabbit and, when he thought of reading, he was instead of reading its thoughts, he was reading Babayaga, a tail his mother told him of when he was little. “Not quite, but that was a good start” Tanil said, as though he was making good progress. “Next time, don’t read your own mind, read the rabbit’s.” Tanil openly laughed.

“Well then, I will try again” Nall said, wiping his failed attempt away, Nall focused very hardly on the rabbit, until it exploded. “Very nice Nall!” Tanil burst out laughing about how the rabbit exploded under Nall’s concentration. “Oh my g—“

“It’s ok Nall!” Tanil said spoke before he could finish, still laughing. “It was your first try, I didn’t expect much success but that’s an O.K. start.” She remarked, making Nall feel better about killing the rabbit. “I still feel horrible about it now,” Nall said “Making a rabbit explode with my mind was a strange feeling.” Nall’s stomach started acting up as he remembered how it had blown up. “Just try to read, but read thoughts and not a book,” Tanil instructed, then added “and don’t feel angry or frustrated when you do it. thats what made the rabbit explode under your thoughts.” Then she walked away, leaving Nall frustrated again. Putting his anger aside, Nall focused on the rabbit again, and as though pages flipped before him, he saw ‘Good work Nall! Return to Enladi now, and speak with her for some more advice before your on your way.’ Nall then, not sure who Enladi was, decided to go back to one of the strange clouds and ask. Finding the second one he asked, “Do you know who Enladi is? I am to seek…” not sure if Enladi was a man or a women, he figured the name sounded feminine. "Her...out for some advice before I am on my way."

The feminine cloud chuckled, Nall sighed and rolled his eyes and muttered ‘now what,’ when the cloud finished laughing she said, laughter still residing in her speech “I am Enladi!” Enaldi’s laughter bubbled forth again, and eventually she regained herself and spoke, “ Yes then Nall, more on the advice, you see when you attempted to read the rabbits mind the first time, you thought too hard on reading, and you imagined a book. Now, when you blew it up... hee hee, you were angry, see how it works?” Enladi explained, a hint of laughter in her voice, most likely from talking of the rabbit. “Nall you must leave soon, the spell will end in 100 passings of the shadow clock, and be sure to come again.” With that, Nall was unconscious for what felt like days, but soon landed back where he was before with a loud ‘Whump’. After standing up on his sore rear, he looked around North Haven’s destroyed buildings and drew his sword, expecting the horrors to confront him again. After a while, satisfied they weren’t coming back he sheathed his sword and set off toward the next place he knew, Eschalon City.



















































Chapter 2: Might we Join You?



On his way there, Nall encountered a few hungry wolves, easily dealt with using his sword. On the road, Nall also heard a twig snap. He looked around for the noise-maker, not finding it he kept walking until he heard a boot of some sort hit the ground. He turned around to see a bandit with an axe yelling, “Your money or your life!” the bandit clumsily swung with his axe, catching Nall’s boot. The boot was torn now, which would be a nuisance on account of the many rocks on the trail. Nall drew his blade and attempted and uppercut only to meet the bandit’s sword, oh great, and enemy who knows what he needs. Nall spun, his sword cutting a branch on its way around and cut the bandit’s shoulder, causing him to scream and try to cut Nall in half with the axe. Nall narrowly dodge the blade, his eyes catching that the blade was crusted with old blood…or was that tomato sauce? This bandit did know what to bring, but he wasn’t sure whether or not this man would be a formidable enemy, or just an amateur trying to scare people off with sauce on his axe. Oh wait, I forgot about the mind powers Enladi and Tanil taught me. With that, Nall thought of North Haven’s inn with the fire blazing. In less than a second, the bandit was screaming…and on fire thanks to Nall’s memory. Nall thought of the river and watered the man down, him still screaming because he thought the fire was still burning.

“You’re not on fire!” Nall tried to yell over his screams but to no avail. “Idiot.” Nall muttered and walked to the man. “Your-Not-On-Fire!” He yelled, his voice finally getting the man’s attention. The bandit rolled back toward him[U1] and looked at him. The man stood up, and looked at Nall in disbelief. He spoke again, not yelling and waving an axe around this time. “My name is Sedrik, sorry for attacking you, You see, it was what my father taught me I must do to survive[U2] , if it was anyone else but you I would probably be either dead or having killed someone.” Then Sedrik finished, now putting his hands at his hips with his eyes downcast. Sedrik was around 6 hands high, and was a little thick at the waist; he wore dirty-leathers, and had lots of hair, that lazily lied on his shoulders. His boots had holes and tears, and so did his other cloths, probably from other passers-by. “Look up” Nall said, Sedrik obeying. “I’m not a normal perso-“Nall started, only to be cut off by Sedrik asking a question,

“Your one of them wizard-folk aren’t ye? [U3] I ‘eard, you all can use magic and what-not, am I right?” Sedrik asked with a puzzled look on his face, as though Nall were a puzzle and he was supposed to solve him. “No, I’m not a wizard, just someone with something important to do with some tricks up his sleeve.” Nall answered him, not giving away anything about his big ‘destiny’ according to Tanil and Enladi, and the other cloud…whoever it…he…was. “Well then” Sedrik began, “who exactly are you?” Nall sighed, whether to make a name up, or to just tell him his real name. If he told him a fake name, he’d have to remember what Sedrik would call him, but if he knew he was Nall, he would have some power over him. Nall hoped the man didn’t know any control spells, “My name is Nall.” He stated.

“So…Nall what are ye doin’ around ‘ere?” Sedrik asked him.

“I’m traveling to Eschalon City.”

“Mind if I tag along? There’s certain death waiting for me around ‘ere after ‘earing what happened to North Haven.” Nall cringed, remembering how everyone he knew was eaten by the possessed guards. “Did I say somethin’?” Sedrik asked, seeing Nall cringe. “Oh just some bad memories….are you coming or not?” Nall answered, trying to forget shove his memories into the back of his mind. “Oh! Yes of course!” Sedrik yelped, standing straight.. “Ready when you are!” Sedrik seemed like and alright companion, his loyalty something to think about as he didn’t know him very well. But he would do as a traveling companion in case of another bandit. “Is there anything of value where your living? A house, a tent?”

“Nay, my family’s house was burned years ago due to the orc invasion.”

“Orc invasion?” Nall asked, totally puzzled by how orcs could have come so close to Eschalon City. “Aye, two decades ago during the Second Great War, us humans weren’t at the top of our game. Orcs got too close for comfort. In fact, so close as one nearly turned me into dinner, fortunately they’re not the fastest out there.” Sedrik finished, tears welling in his eyes. “Did something happen Sedrik? During the war?” Nall asked him, Sedrik close to just crying. “Aye, they killed my family!” Sedrik broke out into open sobs at this recollection and put his face in his hands. “ My father tried to fend them off but they overpowered him, and my mother was shot by one of their cross-“ Sedrik couldn’t even finish what he was saying due to the sobs. “Its alright now Sedrik, what’s past is past-“

“I’LL KILL THEM ALL!” Sedrik screamed in between his sobs.

“Sedrik! Calm down!” Nall yelled at Sedrik, but he wouldn’t listen to Nall, swallowed by his dreadful memories. Nall waited a minute 3 before trying to talk again.



“Before you start sobbing again, I need to get where I’m going, so if your going, come.” At that Nall set off toward Eschalon City, with Sedrik’s footsteps and a little crying, which after and hour ceased. There was another rustling in the bushes, and Sedrik whistled. A man about as tall as Sedrik, thinner, his cloths were in much better condition. He was holding a shoddy bow with only a few arrows left, two daggers were at his sides, he also wore a green cap[U4] . “Sedrik?” The man asked.

“Aye Simon, it is I.”

“Just where have you been?” Simon asked, a smile coming forth. Apparently the two knew each other and were great friends according to their smiles and pats on the shoulder. “I heard some wizard got ye!” Simon exclaimed, not hiding his smile at all now. “Some wizard almost get me!” Sedrik yelled back, laughing openly, a little guile spat out. “This is my new acquaintance, Nall.” Sedrik informed Simon.

“You heard the news about North Haven…Nall?”

“Aye, horrible.” Nall held back a cringe, he didn’t want to upset Simon.

“ Is it true that the Khan burned it? A contact nearby claimed he saw Khan movement nearby, setting up camp maybe.” Simon informed him. Nall not knowing who the Khan were, decided to ask him. “Just who are the Khan?” He felt embarrassed, because it seemed like a foolish thing to ask. “Who are the Khan!?” Simon exclaimed. “Only the worst gang out there! With the army fighting off the orc invasion, they’ve gone and went to town with the looting and killing. There’s nobody around to stop them!”

“They sound like quite a bunch.” Nall said.

“ Aye, when the army was still here the most they could do was burn a barn down, without being found and killed.” Simon said, now concerned with how may arrows he had. “Sedrik, have you found any quivers or other arrows recently?”

“Nay Simon, no such luck.”

“ Very well, I’ll have to buy them in the city, I’d rather not after last time when that woman recognized me.”

“Hahahah, I do recall that, not a pleasant time eh?”

“Nay, it was not a good moment.” Simon said dully, clearly not understanding Sedrik’s joke. “Well, I’m off to Eschalon City with my new friend Nall, care to tag along?” Sedrik asked Simon. “I suppose, I need to refill my quiver anyways, hope nobody there recognizes me again.” Simon said smiling.

“Well, we’ll have to leave now if we’re going to get there before dark.” Nall interjected[U5] , hoping they could get a move on before someone else showed up. While Simon packed his things, Nall heard something move to the west. He looked at Sedrik who nodded at him, he heard it too. Nall thought of using magic, but decided Simon might shoot him if he did, it was always best to appear normal in front of people who don’t like wizards. Sedrik motioned for him to go left, when they heard it again. Nall moved off to the left to catch a glimpse of movement. He side-stepped and found their noise-making culprit. A deer. “Oh boy! I haven’t had deer meat in weeks!” Sedrik shouted, like an imbecile, for the deer bolted to the East to catch an arrow with its noggin. “It’s a shame you couldn’t claim it as your kill Sedrik.” Simon chuckled. “You see, Nall isn’t it? He can never kill any game poor fellow.” Simon smiled at an apparently funny memory. Nall decided it was best to smile too. “Sedrik, do you remember how you came across the entire herd of deer?” Simon burst out laughing at this and Sedrik rolled his eyes, embarrassed that his friend told of his falls in front of company. “Aye I do Simon.” Sedrik grumbled at the memory. “He jumped into a glen to find at least a dozen deer calmly sleeping and his jump and cry of joy woke them up to-“

“Please don’t talk about it in front of Nall.”

“Sorry Sedrik got carried away.”

“Aye you did.”

“We should get going now.” Nall repeated a little anger in him at their story-telling. It was taking too long. “Just who put you in charge Null?” Simon chuckled. Nall had started to draw he sword when Sedrik stepped between them, white as a ghost. Nall stopped what he was doing and followed Sedrik’s gaze. Eschalon City was under attack.

Nall peered forward hoping to make out more detail, there were large black shapes moving towards a set of silver shapes. “Orcs!” Sedrik cried out. Nall saw it now, the black forms were a set of attacking orcs and he guess the silver shapes were the guards of Eschalon. Nall started to run forward to see what was going on- and to try to help when Sedrik pulled him back and they started to run.

Simon started to run as well, as soon as they were about twenty feet away from where they previously stood four trolls burst from the trees. These weren’t ordinary trolls though, he recognized the insignia on their armor, Black Rock Trolls! That meant the orcs and trolls were here for an invasion, not just a small attack to test Eschalon’s defenses as they had done for many a year now. Nall ran for his life, running faster than Sedrik and Simon who weren’t used to running so fast.

Nall had ran for a better part of his life, therefore he was well ahead of the other two when a troll yelled, “Meat that can run eh? We’ll run too!” and the trolls were moving at an astonishing rate, they would have had Simon and Sedrik if Nall hadn’t drawn his bow and loosed an arrow into the lead troll’s throat. The same troll that yelled earlier added, “Ooh, this is an interesting one, he’ll pay for it though!” and with that the Trolls roared in glee, knowing there would be no mercy for this one.

Nall had barely released another arrow when a few thousand arrows flew from behind him. Nall looked back stunned to see the Eschalon City Legion and all its glory marching toward Eschalon. A squad of footmen moved forward to confront the Trolls in their Silver Eschalon Legion armor. The trolls hesitated and ran back toward the city to find their comrades and tell them of the Legion’s arrival. They couldn’t dodge arrows though as a Legion Archer division rained arrows upon the Black Rock trolls. Sedrik and Simon were momentarily forgotten by Nall and then he remembered they had been running from the trolls when the Eschalon Legion arrived. Nall immediately jumped up to look for the two of them when a legion soldier grabbed his shoulder. “Just who are you stranger?” One of the footmen asked.

“Nobody important.” Nall stated and tried to get off again but was held firm by the footman. “Let go of me!” Nall cut at him.

“You? Making demands to me? I think not!” The footman threw Nall to the ground and started upon him when another footman stepped up [U6] with a Morning Star. Nall knew who he was with, the Morning Hope division; their wicked morning stars could knock down a tree with one good blow. The Morning Hope soldier spoke to the original footman and he walked away grumbling. “I hope he didn’t hurt you.” the Morning Hope soldier said.

“Oh, I’m all right, did you happen to see two men running after me when the trolls jumped us?” Nall asked, hoping the soldier had seen them.

“Eh, I don’t have a very good view where I stand, Cavalry gets in the way. But I heard a yelp in the woods to the East; I assume those were your friends.” The soldier honestly answered. “Thank you very much.” Nall said, hoping the other two were alive and nearby, and thinking of how kind this man was to a stranger. “Oh its my job, name’s Chiel.” the soldier remarked.

“Well thank you very much Chiel, oh, you best to get moving. The legion’s marching again.” Nall noticed.

“Ah, yes I shall be on my way. goodbye.” and with that he was off to join the legion to hopefully save Eschalon City. Nall wished he could help but he needed to find Sedrik and Simon first. I do have the magic though, Nall thought. But in the end decided he should seek the other two first.



__________________



Phalis Bernth, a member of the Eschalon City Home Guard stood open-mouthed as he saw an entire orc battalion advancing on his squad’s position. His squad consisted of himself, and 5 other archers. They had been set up as a watch post on the second gate into Eschalon. Eschalon City was built on top of a high plateau so as they would be able to see any advancing foes. They had seen the Orc and Troll Army approaching but didn’t have enough men to properly defend the city. There was only the Home Guard and two reserve platoons in the city at the time of the attack. Orcs picked a damn good time to attack. Phalis thought. Another feature of Eschalon’s location was that there was only one entrance, a steep ramp descending to ground level from Eschalon’s heights. On the ramp Eschalonians had constructed seven large gates to slow down any force powerful enough to cause severe damage. The 5th section of the ramp had been rigged with explosives to detonate when the enemy had breached the 4th gate. Archers would be positioned upon the gates and possibly on the cities heights to slow down attackers.

A cavalry division would normally wait behind the third gate for a signal to attack, but the cavalry was gone now, so there were only the Home Guard and the reserve platoons. The city was seriously weak. One man in Phalis’s squad noticed a gleaming in the distance and piped up, “Sir! I see something!” he exclaimed and tried to peer forward for a better look. “What is it?” Phalis demanded. Phalis took a telescope from another watcher and set it up. He was overcome with joy at what he saw. “It’s the Eschalon Legion!” he screamed. His squad started cheering loudly and a small team of sappers looked up from what they were doing. “Oh what’s so exciting all of a sudden?” a sapper called at them. Phalis almost didn’t hear him and yelled down, “The Legion’s here! the Legion’s here!” the sapper didn’t even hear what the other men in his team said he was cheering so loudly. “Pass word to the rest of the defenders! The Legion arrives!” His team was also victim to the joy that had overtaken them. One sapper froze in mid-cheer, and then fell over with an arrow through the back of his head. “To arms lads! The enemy approaches!” Phalis proclaimed.



______________________



Nall had only been in the forest for about twenty minutes when he heard what sounded like voices, “Are they gone? A-a-re they gone?” it sounded a lot like Sedrik but Nall couldn’t be sure.

“I think so, I don’t hear anything.” When Nall heard this he knew it be Simon’s voice and walked into the glen they had been hiding in. “Hello, how are you two?” Nall said, as if nothing were wrong.

“Nall! Your alive!” Sedrik yelped and stood up.

“Well of course I’m alive, if I weren’t I would not be standing here talking.”

“We thought the trolls had you.” Simon said.

“Well clearly they didn’t, anyway we need to get to Eschalon City.”

“Are you mad or are you terribly blind!?” Sedrik yelled.

“Whether you like it or not I’m going to Eschalon, you two should come, theres bound to be more trolls patrolling the forest.” Nall stated matter-of-factly.

“I’ll come with you Nall.” Simon stuttered.

“I’ll come t-too.” Sedrik said.

“Great we can be off then!” Nall yelled. “We’re going to Eschalon City, I hope there aren’t any orcs or trolls nearby!” he smiled.

“Are you mad!?” Sedrik almost shouted.

“Keep quiet and watch those trees, someone should be coming out of them very soon.” and sure enough an orc jumped out of the tree screamed something and was gone in a flash of fire[U7] . “Astonishing!” Simon yelled.

Nall couldn’t figure out whether Simon was playing along in order to see that again, or if it was genuine surprise. If he had planned to draw in more orcs, his plan certainly worked. In fact now it was quite obvious Simon wanted to draw in another orc when he started boasting about how dim-witted orcs were, and how ugly trolls were, and how easily they burned. Since he couldn’t take it any longer an orc burst from behind a rock and his knees buckled right under him. It screamed something in it’s own language and then snarled at Nall. It might know that it was me who buckled it’s knees, then again it’s possibly that orcs have a magic-sense. Nall was also surprised at how easily he had buckled the orc’s knees, and blew up the other orc, he had done terribly when Tanil instructed him. Maybe if my life’s in danger, I focus on attacking an enemy, which results in the magic attacking, hm, I’ll think more about that later. Sedrik grabbed Nall by the shoulder in mid-thought and yanked him into the bushes where Simon was also hiding.

“What was that for?” Nall hissed.

“Nall, stay low and look at where you were” Sedrik barely whispered. It was interesting seeing what would have become of Nall had Sedrik not grabbed him. Another orc jumped out, and scratched its head wondering where it’s quarry had gone. Even more interesting was how the ground he had previously stood on was now ablaze thanks to something they could not see. The orc that jumped out was caught off guard, and thinking that Nall returned, attempted to jump the fire much to it’s dismay. The orc burned for a few minutes and then lay still. Simon could hardly contain his laughter, and Sedrik was smiling viciously. I suppose his family WAS killed by orcs, he must be happy to see that. Nall almost permitted himself a smile. It was quite funny after all, an orc running around flailing it’s arms…while burning. It truly was a sight, but it was much less amusing when a squad of Black Rock Trolls moved into the glen, and swatted the orc’s body away, the head cracking on a large rock. “They’re here...” The lead trolls sniffed the air. “I smell fear.” He sneered. The trolls fanned out, somehow not finding the three concealed in the bushes only yards away. Nall thought it almost as soon as the trolls started searching, maybe the magic can change their decision. Nall thought. But before he could even think of the three being the other trolls he could hear a snake hissing at his behind. Sedrik screamed when he saw it, to only to be shut up too late by Simon, who was used to snakes. Nall immediately attempted to make the trolls think it was the bleat of an animal being killed, but he overdid it. The trolls heard something, by the looks on their faces and body language, like a Baloth. Nall stood up, dusting himself off. “ Well I suppose I over did that one[U8] , by the looks of it.”

“YOU did that?” Sedrik breathed in.

“Well, I suppose I did.”

The trio set off to Eschalon without question, now that the others were assured Nall’s inexperience in the magic could still save them. “ I’m feeling,” Nall yawned, “tired after that.” “The magic must drain my endurance.” Nall thought.

“You can’t feel tired now, we’re almost there!”

“Yes, hurry up, you’re the one who wanted us to go anyways.”

“I’m coming, don’t fret.” But Nall actually was worried now that he knew the toll of the magic. “If it drains my endurance[U9] , what if we need to use the magic for a prolonged time? what would happen then?” While all these things were buzzing around in his mind, He realized that he knew very little about what he was supposed to do with the magic, even less a very good use for it. The burning kingdom was in sight now, the Eschalon Legion probably already at the city, holding out against the orcs, trolls, and other elements of the Master’s Army. It was going to be a tough battle, but Nall thought the Eschalonians would be victorious, “I hope at least,” Nall thought.



























































.





Chapter 3: Journey’s Beginning



The trees of Tarsonis were beautiful when they bloomed in spring, but now was not spring. Now, was summer time, when the Elven people were outside most of the days. They did not stay in their treetop homes, but they moved to the ground and raised small structures. Unlike most elves, the Elven city of Winter Spring and its populace remained on the ground at all times, within the city of course. Most of the other races, such as the dwarves, humans, and other various inhabitants of the world would venture here, seeing as it is the most accessible. Other elves also came to Winter Spring to see what the newest imports were, sometimes the occasional mage, or wizard would stop in to tell stories and entertain children. Some things, like the tree of Tel Karri, would attract tourists from other races, while the elves paid no mind to it, as they saw it everyday anyways. Humans looked ridiculous, in their giant coats, they thought it was always too cold, or too hot. Except for some days, when they thought it was alright, which was hardly ever. Dwarves could never reach the stands on their own, and so they stood on stools or boxes[U10] . It was most amusing to anyone that wasn’t a dwarf. Shigai had lived in Winter Spring all his life, he was born in Winter Spring, schooled in Winter Spring, and now he wanted to get out, go see the world. He wore comfortable green and brown leather pants, along with a leather shirt. It looked good on him, most said; probably because he had it custom-made for himself. His slightly pale skin was the most prominent feature of his elf-hood, aside from his pointed ears which were really a stereotype. His green hair lolled down his back naturally, as Shigai didn’t seriously think about hairstyles[U11] . He was of the right age now, he had been for some time. But he had stayed anyways, enjoying the tourists of other races. Until one day, he was summoned before the Queen. “I don’t believe it!” was the first thing that came to mind when he saw the letter. His elfin ears were shaking while he shook his head to make sure he wasn’t daydreaming again, and to his most cheery astonishment, he wasn’t. The letter said to arrive at her palace as soon as possible, and he didn’t hesitate shoving tourists and other elves out of the way. He flashed his letter at the few guards who tried to stop him, but when they saw the seal of the Queen, they immediately stood down. It was around noon when Shigai arrived at the palace, he had had to run across all of Winter Spring because of how far from the palace he lived. He slowed down in front of the palace and kneeled over to rest his arms on his legs and pant. It had really taken it out of him. He had taken two steps when 6 armed guards revealed themselves all around him. He recognized their armor and weapons as the Royal Guard’s, and so he explained why he was here and showed them the letter. The Royal Guard’s Captain, Sigdor[U12] , wasn’t satisfied and took the letter to see what he made of it. While he was still inspecting it, the Queen’s messenger stepped out to tell Shigai to come in. So Shigai squeezed between two guards, and still panting, stepped inside.







Queen Tonce’Aleon, the Queen of Winter Spring, stood in her royal robes waiting for Shigai to arrive. “He should be here any second now, I heard a commotion outside.” As soon as she had finished the thought, Shigai stepped in panting. “He must have had to run to get here. He hurried too…very good.”

“My Queen,” He said and kneeled before her. The Royal Guardsmen didn’t move in the chamber, eyes darting around for any threat.

“Stand young elf, don’t bother kneeling before me anymore for you have a great responsibility now, one that is so important, you must not waste a second kneeling before someone.”

“Yes your majesty,” Shigai said as he stood up, bewildered as he was given permission to simply run up and speak to a King or Queen and not bother to ‘waste time’ kneeling. “This must be VERY important.”

“You must go to Eschalon City, find the one called ‘Nall’ and bring him here, It could very well mean the survival of all the inhabitants of this realm.”

“I don’t believe it” was the first thing coming to Shigai’s mind, “the Queen wants me to go to Eschalon, to see the world!”

“Y-Yes your majesty!” Shigai stuttered, so shocked by his new task.

“The Royal Guard will assist you on this journey elf, do not falter.” Tonce’Aleon said. Shigai quickly bowed, and ran back to his home with the messenger to pack necessities and gain weapons and armor. The Queen sat on her throne now, and retrieved a parchment from a pouch beside the Throne. “This will be the worst-pair up, but it will have to do.” The Queen thought as she added Sigdor’s name to the list of Royal Guardsmen escorting the young elf.



_______________



Shigai stood with the Messenger, who’s name was Arkonin’Haleon he learned, in the door of the Palace armory. It was a very dark, cube-of a chamber. 60’x60’ if Shigai had to guess. Shigai was amazed how many weapons were here, there was even some sort of metal tube, with a sort of wooden prop at one end, and a small protrusion under where the tube and the wood met. He reached over to touch it when Arkonin put a hand on his shoulder, and said, “That thing is the work of dwarves, I don’t know how it works but it is very dangerous.”

Shigai paused, and still looking at the device, stood up again and looked at all of the weaponry. He saw everything from small daggers to the strange dwarven device. He was browsing a line of swords when Arkonin called him over. He was holding up a longsword, puzzled, Shigai walked over and examined it. Then Arkonin whispered, “This one, it is tainted by magic…I was saving it for you.” Shigai was very confused now, and took the sword in his hand.

Immediately he experienced what felt like burning hot water coursing through his veins, there was a blinding light, he tried screaming but then he realized there was no pain. The sword seemed more balanced than before now, and it looked like it was about to crack, so he tested it on the wall, and when the wall was now with a large gash in it, Shigai was even more puzzled than before. He then realized, Arkonin gave this to him! He whirled around to try and ask Arkonin, but the elf was not there anymore. “Arkonin…” he called. “Arkonin!” Shigai called louder than before. Still, no answer from the messenger.

Shigai tried walking out, but a strange force pushed him back in. It wasn’t another elf, he could tell, because it pushed him away in all directions. There was a low growl, and Shigai turned around to see a very, very large and angry dragon. Words tumbled from his mouth in a strange dialect, he couldn’t control it…his body just talked like this and the dragon reared its head, and flared its nostrils. It was also confused. Suddenly Shigai was suffering from the worst imaginable headache, and fell to the ground. Shigai lost consciousness as the dragon loomed over him.

















































Chapter 4: C[U13] all to the Quest







Coolwater, his Mage-name of which he had been given at the

Academy of Ice, stood on trial for a strange, murder of which he had no involvement whatsoever. He had long silver hair that fell to his shoulders, impenetrable silver eyes, and a robe of Frost he received from graduation at the Academy. His staff had been taken from him, its sapphire-scepter peeking out from behind the judge’s perch. The judge, a fair-haired woman who looked like she had been in a bad mood all her life, sat listening to the prosecutor babble, as she had been for almost an hour. The jury didn’t look very interested, as if this case was some big waste of time. That bothered Coolwater, “Why does the jury not care about a murder? why do they even think I did anything?” Whilst all this was going through his head the prosecutor stopped babbling and the judge stood up. Coolwater wasn’t aware of anything as he thought, while the juror’s bodies disappeared and they turned to be Elves. The judge and prosecutor were also elves, but Coolwater had paid no attention until they called him to look up. Coolwater started to say something, but the elf who was the judge cut him short, “Coolwater, of Frost and Ice, you have been called to assist the one called Nall in his quest, of which will be filled with great peril. We need…he needs someone like you to protect him, Coolwater of Frost.”

Then it donned on Coolwater, that this court was just a cover, it was a busy place otherwise and about twenty elves would draw attention, it was court because no sensible man would want to enter a courtroom for no reason in particular.

The judge started speaking again, “He is at Eschalon City now, you must catch him before he goes too far from the path.”

Coolwater stood up and finally spoke, he had a voice that commanded attention yet was not harsh in the slightest respect, very heroic. “Why should I be called? I can think of a hundred heroes greater suited for this then me!” Coolwater in fact, did keep a list of exactly one hundred heroes for a situation just like this and would read off every name to anyone who required his help, he’s just that way. He didn’t have it now though, he didn’t think he would need it just this one time. The judge elf picked up Coolwater’s staff and handed it to him.

“You’re going to need this back I suppose.”

As soon as Coolwater made contact with it, he felt the power of Frost rushing through him to make contact with the staff. When he had not had it, it had lost its, ‘touch’ as some might say. That was because the sapphire Coolwater had be lovingly used as a scepter had an interesting quality. It would store magic when a source was not in constant reach. I.E, the sapphire was like a battery that could now, only be recharged by Coolwater as the magic from his veins had activated it so many years ago at the beginning of his teaching at the Academy of Ice. Immediately he turned part of the Western-wall to ice to test out his power, the elves didn’t seem that impressed and one of the jurors yawned.







Aero, too was on trial in Vish’Alon, for stabbing a tavern patron when a fight broke out. Unlike Coolwater’s trial, Aero actually was on trial. Aero, or Aerodiablo by some, had gained his name because he had already been on an adventure, and thus, an explanation of his person is not required.



|>Code:I///put%=1$%^ Activ4te*, RPG M0d’’e///

//End Transmission.







Aero is going to eat Judge and gain +7 to his ‘EAT ANYTHING WE WANT’ skill.



EAT ANYTHING WE WANT skill has increased by 7.



Judge has been slain by Aero.



Juror rolls for Initiative!

:18:

Juror rolls for Initiative!

:6:

Juror rolls for Initiative!

:20:

Juror rolls for Initiative!

:2:

Juror rolls for Initiative!

:80000:

Juror rolls for Initiative!

:x_x:

Court Guard rolls to strike ‘Aero’!

:19:

CRITICAL HIT

Court Guard attacks using skill, “Fire Bazooka”



Aero, roll for a Reflex Save!

:20:

Skill is dodged by Aero.

Court Guard has rolled a Critical Hit!

Court Guard rolls to attack again!

:17:

Court Guard attacks ‘Aero’ using skill, “Fire Bazooka”



Skill, ‘Fire Bazooka’ hits Aero!



Court Guard rolls for damage!

:28:

Court Guard has Critical Hit, Damage is Doubled.



Aero is hit for 56 HP!

Aero now has 44 HP



Aero is knocked back by this forceful attack!

Aero hits Courtroom Wall!

Aero is hit for 1 HP!

Aero now has 43 HP



Aero chooses to attack, ‘Court Guard’!

Aero rolls to attack!

:689045760348790388056:

Court Guard is INSTANTLY SLAIN!

Court Guard’s head A’splode.



Zombie rolls to eat ‘Juror’

:9999:

Juror has been Eaten by Zombie.



Zombie gain +3 to his ‘zombeh’ skill.



Juror is stunned and loses his turn!



Juror is stunned and loses her turn!



Juror is stunned and loses her turn!



Juror is stunned and loses his turn!



Juror is stunned and loses his turn!



Juror is stunned and loses his turn!



Aero uses this as a chance to escape and rolls to kick down Courtroom Door!

:16:



Aero has barely kicked it down, but nonetheless, he has kicked the door down.



Aero runs outside.



|>Code:L/// D1S/’’/ac7i\/at3//RPG Mod’’e//

End Transmission.





Aero was free! For he had skillfully beaten the justice system. Aero then proceeded down the street, attempting to blend in. There was a guard column walking near him so he pretended he was a monk and bowed his head. They paid no heed. Soon someone would realize what had happened in the courtroom, and they would look for him, he had to leave soon, and get very far away. A boat was probably the best way to escape, he could stowaway on the next outbound ship, it would be very simple, he could just slip in whilst the crew was not looking…but he would need a distraction. Unfortunately the Guardsmen had taken Aero’s weaponry when he was at the tavern, right after he stabbed that man.

He could see the ship now, a large vessel with plenty of travelers, he may not have to hide at all! He could just sneak aboard with a group of boarders. Aero had just started walking toward the ship when a few sets of hands softly, but none to gently grabbed him up and knocked him unconscious.











Sigdor was waiting outside the palace with additional guardsmen for that blasted elf ‘Shigai’ to arrive so as they might set off. Sigdor was about 6’4”, weighed 50 pounds alone, 100 in his armor, had slightly teal hair rolling down the back of his neck, sharp green eyes that looked like they could cut the night into two, and a strong build, making him perfect as a guardsman. Also, as it looked to those around him, he always seemed annoyed by something or other. Sigdor’s bond animal, a great bear of the woods was sitting next to him waiting for his master to break the ice that was the silence with an order, or a request. Sigdor’s bear was affectionately called ‘Bloodclaw’, by himself for reasons nobody would want to ask. The last being to ask received a punch in the nose from Sigdor, and a deep growl from Bloodclaw, which was none to pleasant for that man to partake in receiving, or hearing. Eventually Sigdor grew tired of waiting and ordered ‘Huxtable’, a member of Sigdor’s Honor Squad to go retrieve Shigai. Sigdor knew he could rely on Huxtable to go get some silly elf who was taking a long time finding a weapon. That messenger too, Arkonin...Sigdor had always had a feeling that Arkonin wasn’t here just to be a messenger, no he was here to do something more. But Sigdor couldn’t worry about his suspicions now, they had to go to the greatest city of man to find a single person, of whom Sigdor had no knowledge, or a care about.


If it seems bad in the beginning, its because my skills in story-writing have been improving, and also: that ridiculous battle scene with Aero I wrote like it like it was for fun.

The spacing might seem a little ridiculous too, its because I was typing this in word, and DRLFF forum=space and word-space don't really go hand in hand.


Tue Dec 18, 2007 11:46 pm
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
Could you PLEASE link to this, rather than post it?


Tue Dec 18, 2007 11:53 pm
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
Right, first off, work on capitalization and punctuation. Second, don't rush the conflict. Gets annoying when you're right in the very beginning rushed into a place with no idea what it is or who the characters are. Third and most important, don't use text smilies or a turn based RPG system. Writing shouldn't have to make the reader think of little menus popping up in a Final Fantasy 7 battle setup where they politely take turns fighting.


Wed Dec 19, 2007 1:14 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
One: Do not make your character an infinite badass.

Just, don't. Having a character who kills anyone and everyone without effort is NO FUN AT ALL to read.

Two: Work on your formatting, and, think about this logically. What kind of assassin talks out loud? Make the "thoughts" in the first few paragraphs italiscized without quotation marks; that's generally accepted as "thoughts" in the literary community.

Three: Veiling? Referring back to point one, now your character can BECOME ♥♥♥♥ INVISIBLE?

Note also that no explanation is given for this magical ability. Lazy writing.

Four: Your story has some rather tortured grammar.

"Luckily, the man didn’t scream as his corpse fell back, a small gasp escaped his lips."

Is not gramatically correct in any way. "Luckily for <main character>, the man was unable to scream; rather, a tortured gasp escaped his lips" would be a significant improvement.

Five: "Along the way he encountered a stag, still unaware of his presence and decided he was hungry."

"While walking back to his hometown, <main character> encountered a stag, which stood happily in a field, munching on grass, utterly unaware of his presence. Noting a palpable pain in his stomach, he decided that he was hungry enough to sacrifice mobility, and thus proceeded to hunt the animal."

I hate to write your story for you, but, really, complex sentences (or rather, the lack thereof) and general grammar are the major flaws in this.

Six: "Nall un-slung his bow and notched an arrow. He let the arrow fly and it hit dead center. The stag flopped over and Nall retrieved the body."

Okay, so let's see here.

First, returning to point one, your character exerts no effort in the action of holding, drawing, and aiming a bow, and then perfectly hits a stag.

The stag then magically dies without a fuss, despite the fact that killing a stag with a bow is utterly impossible to make painless or rapid.

Your second sentence does not define "dead center", at all. Of the chest? Of the head? You've obviously never hunted; a good hunter actually wouldn't aim for the head, and would also recognize the impossibility of reliably bringing down an animal with one arrow. A center of mass shot wounds the animal, slowing it down and making it easier to track, allowing you to close at a later time and finish it off.

Seven: Okay, so, let's get this straight. Your character is carrying, simultaneously, a dagger, a stag, a bow, a quiver, AND a long sword? And is mobile while doing this.

Point #1.

Eight:
Bland fantasy stories. And zombies.

I am not even going to comment any further on this.

Nine:
Now there is also magic.

Ten:
And also a mysterious parental figure leading <main character> of unknown physical description (although obviously he has the consitution of a horse to be lugging around half the armory of a small feudal town at once) to his "destiny".

Eleven:
Magical weapons. Always original. And unique. And interesting.

Twelve:
" “Nay, I m not the most beautiful, just one of, the most beautiful,”"

Okay, look, if you're attempting dignified prose, go read a book on how to do it. Doing it based on your recollections of the fictional styles of Hollywood is not going to make for a respectable book. You also added some mystery commas in there.

Thirteen:
I can't decide whether this whole mind reading thing is ripping of Harry Potter, Eragon, or Anne McAffrey.

Fourteen:
In less than a minute he learns enough about magic to MAKE RABBITS EXPLODE.

Good lord, at least Eragon made him start with lifting pebbles.

Fifteen:
Magically kills an army of wolves.

Sixteen:
Bandit goes from CHOPPING HIM IN HALF to befriending him in the space of about a minute.

Seventeen:
"“Your one of them wizard-folk aren’t ye? [U3] I ‘eard, you all can use magic and what-not, am I right?” Sedrik asked with a puzzled look on his face, as though Nall were a puzzle and he was supposed to solve him."

Repitious repitition using repeated words for the sake of using words.

Once again, you are disgracing a delicate dialect by basing your use of it on the manner of speech you think people employ.

Eighteen:
You apostrophe out EVERY SINGLE H THIS GUY SAYS.

STOP DOING THAT.

Nineteen:
Childish revenge story?

Twenty:
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.

Twenty One:
Character now randomly becomes angry at two men who apparently possess greater physical strength over a trifling matter.

Twenty Two:
And now magical reinforcements, just in time to save the <main character> from <random enemy>, which in this case is a series of trolls? I guess? You didn't really give specifics on actual numbers.

Twenty Three:
Clumsy oaf of comic relief saves hero character causing the one to be indebted to the other? Probably. Also, whoo, <main character> is saved again from <random enemy>, in this case an orc.

Twenty Four:
Aging model of a royal figure, this time sending a loyal soldier to go see "the chosen one" or something like that.

Twenty Five:
And now inexplicable character number...twelve or so is fighting a dragon with...a magical weapon.

Twenty Six:
Feudal times had judges and juries? Uninspired, unrealistic, impractical, and most of all, lazy writing.

Twenty Seven:
What the ♥♥♥♥ is this ♥♥♥♥ about rpg seriously is this supposed to be funny what the ♥♥♥♥ is this

Twenty Eight:
Aaaand now we close by introducing YET ANOTHER INANE CHARACTER.


Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:26 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
Didn't mention this before, I started writing this in 6th grade, expect the beginning to be pretty crappy.

Grif, all of that was a little uncalled for, I know this story isn't fudging Harry Potter, but at least consider I have been typing this for a while, and after I re-looked over everything, I didn't really feel like going over everything again.

But nonetheless, the criticism is a good source of learning what in the fudge is wrong with my story, so as I may fix it.





Shade: I typed that turn-based fight for the hell of it, I'm not going to run out and publish it.


Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:36 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
Well, if you posted it here, did you want a pat on the back and some words of praise? Sorry, the smoke of failure in it was too much, my tears are from pain rather than amazement. Expect criticism in everything you do, not everyone is going to be a blind idiot.


Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:42 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
That is the weakest most pathetic half-as­sed argument I have ever heard. You made a story, we don't expect you to publish it. What we do expect is for you to take the criticism we give you, all of it so far I would love to get for all the projects I do, and make sh­it better. You posted it, so we assume you're either A. Asking for help on your story, or criticism or B. Attention whor­ing ( If that's the case, gtfo. ) We give criticism, you take it with a thank-you sir. Stop being whiny about how you're "Not going to run out and publish it" and fix your shi­t.


Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:45 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
Or at least thank them for their opinion.


Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:47 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
5/10

Needs work, but a half-decent start.


Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:48 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
leadpumper12 wrote:
Didn't mention this before, I started writing this in 6th grade, expect the beginning to be pretty crappy.

Grif, all of that was a little uncalled for, I know this story isn't fudging Harry Potter, but at least consider I have been typing this for a while, and after I re-looked over everything, I didn't really feel like going over everything again.

But nonetheless, the criticism is a good source of learning what in the fudge is wrong with my story, so as I may fix it.


Topic: "Story I'm Typing,"
Second sentence (in red, in case the audience is retarded and cannot differentiate between story text and reference text): "This is a story I've been writing in my keyboarding class throughout this semester, tell me what you think..."

Somehow, this evoked the image in my mind that you were, oh, I don't know, TYPING THIS IN KEYBOARDING CLASS.

The ENTIRE story was the exact same level of crappiness. Indeed, it actually got worse towards the end, as you introduced more arbitrary characters, and got especially longwinded on us.

Look. Don't try and defend yourself by saying that you wrote this in sixth grade. I don't care.

You posted a story on a public forum. Either you were asking for opinions, or you were being an attention w­hore.

I don't pay out attention wh­ores. However, criticism I deal in SPADES. You asked for criticism and got it, and anyways virtually all of my points were valid.


Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:53 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
Blue = A condecending note!
OKAY GUYS THIS IS A FICITONAL STORY set in a very original fantasy world town village kingdom! I wrote it so don't mock it, untill you have written something as goood as this.

CHAPTER 1: Twiddlepants
Dull woke up from amnesia! He could not remember his name, only his first name and middle name. He looked in a mirror, and was shocked, as he didn't remember that that was how he looked, because he had amnesia! He wanted to scream, but he couldn't, because a Nazicommunistevilking patrol party was outside, and they were also bandits and vikings. He used his invisibility cloak magic spell to sneak past the patrol's death hellhounds. Dull sneaked into a tent and found a sleeping guard, but this guard was holding a laser beam! The same laser beam that Dull's uncle used to have, which had been stolen from the uncle of Dull by the Nazi Communist Evil King who wanted it, so he could gain ultimate power to defeat good forever in the entire world! Dull knew what he had to do! He started to take the laser beam without hurting the guard, like any honorable force of infallable pure good that had hundreds of girlfriends, but the guard awoke and started getting ready to scream, so Dull set him on fire with his mind. Dull knew he only had a few seconds to escape, so he did.
END CHAPTER 1!







BIG SPACE





CHAPTER 2: Wabblesocks
Dull needed food. He had been out in the wilderness for about a day and had only had sex with beautiful women twice in the past few hours. This was far lower than the usual amount and unacceptable. Anyway, he was getting so very terribly hungry. He thought he would surely starve if he did not eat very soon, but as he would soon find out he was the CHOSEN ONE who was chosen from birth by the great ancient plant spirits that are one with nature but were hurt by evil things like MEDICATION and SCHOOL and industry and SEWERS! Anyway, he didn't know what he could possibly eat to stop from dying, but in the GLORIOUS BOUNTY OF MOTHER NATURE AND THE MOTHER GODDESS a stag appeared, munching happily in the forest clearing ahead. Dull pulled his bow out of his pocket, started to aim, and opened his mouth real wide and shot out a rocket propelled grenade that BOTH DESTROYED THE STAG IN A RAIN OF BLOOD AND GUTS AS ITS CHILDREN CRYED OUT AT THE INJUSTICE BEFORE DULL RAN OVER AND RIPPED OFF THEIR HEADS AND DRANK THEIR BLOOD TO SACRIFICE TO THE MOTHER GODDESS OF NATURE blew up the stag and cooked it at the same time.
"Good," said Dull, "I was kinda hungry."

END CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3: SHIZZZZELEJAL
Dull finally made his way out of the forest, to the great kingdom of the land of GOLDSILVEREARTHvaleholmville, where the Elven-Dwarvin-half-dragon quarter-trout King Yrral Frob was in charge.
"My king, I need you to train me, so that I may grow stronger," requested Dull.
"Yes, my son, but only if you best me in a game of cards!" replied the old and shrivled and ugly King who was also a virgin.
//CODE 3IIEIFFJEJ WIGGLY WIGGLY WIGGLY
AddActor = Attachable
InstanceName = Gman Head
Mass = 5
HitsMOs = 0
GetsHitByMOs = 1
SpriteFile = ContentFile
FilePath = Gman.rte/Gman/Head.bmp
FrameCount = 1
SpriteOffset = Vector
X = -8
Y = -10
/CODE LOADED ENGAGE WI-FI GIGAFLOP MEGAHERTZ INTERNET IP DETECTION RPG SYSTEM OF LCDCRTPLASMA!
DULL uses BE AWESOME AND DRINK A LOT OF BOOZE

KING UGLY loses 2023920932039 hp and a kidney!

KING UGLY IS DEFEATED
X_X ^_________________________________________________^ :3
/BATTLE END SYSTEM ERROR
"Ahaahahah, I didn't even need to ascend to my Saya-jin form!" exclaimed Dull.
"Very well then, I will teach you magick!" scarfed the Ugly Virgin King.
So Dull was brought into the magickvizarding chamber, where 7 white rabbits of the whitest most superior aryantone where kept. Dull watched in fascination as Dr. Mengele WIZARD SIMMONS fired phasers out of his eyes that exploded the rabbit in to!
"So as you see, it takes years of training to-" started Wizard Simmons.
As he said this Dull began to focus on the rabbit, he gathered his inner energy together, he felt the massive energy move from his stomach to his hands. He took aim at the rabbit and-
DoktorWIZARD Simmons exploded, drenching the chamber in blood.
"Dahhhh, wuz that mi?" asked Dull in the most infuriatingly cocky voice ever. A laugh track played from hidden speakers after he was done. Oh God I want to strangle that little ♥♥♥♥. As Dull had shown to be the legendary chosen one who was proficient in everything because he is awesome, he became the new Grand Wizard of THE CASTLE.

END CHAPTER 3

NOW REMEMBER GUYS YOU CAN'T SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT THIS I DID IT FOR FUN WHICH MEANS IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE GOOD BECAUSE IT'S MY WRITING STYLE! DUHHHH


Wed Dec 19, 2007 4:49 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
EPIC EPIC WIN ( referring to Cinos's story)!

Seriously Cinos, you make me chuckle almost every single time I read a sentence.

YOURZ R DA GUUD AT VRITHGINGG!!!1!!11
You are good at writing


Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:06 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
Wow. Just... wow. This is incredible. And not in the good way. I'm sorry, but this is really quite horrible. I know Grif already summarized, but let me summarize the concepts.

First, there's a guy. He sneaks in a tent in some place. He kills a guy. He takes a thing that apparently was an heirloom of his. Another guy comes in, but the first guy (whose name is Nall) becomes invisible, and stabs him in the back. He then rummages through him for loot.

Wait, now we're out of wherever we were. Nall kills a deer in one shot. With an arrow. Then slings the 125+ pounds over his shoulder and continues to skip merrily down to his village. Yes, apparently he has a home village. No, wait, he doesn't. Because it's on fire. And there are zombies. And demons. And... no there aren't, now he's tired. And in a glowy place, with a disembodied voice. And apparently there's a quest. And guides. Now he's somewhere else, and there's a person. He follows the person, who is also a mind reader. The other person begins teaching him in... mind... things, and Nall blows up a rabbit by mistake. This is apparently hilariously funny. Then they're... somewhere else. And being attacked by robbers. Who think they're on fire, because Nall is awesome, even though the mind reader person thing has more experience. And then they're not on fire. And then they have a good cry together. Or scream in fury. Or both, I wasn't sure. And then they're ambushed by trolls/orcs, and they fire a few arrows as they run. Yes, shooting a huge unwieldy bow with accuracy while running. And then there's an army they run into that saves them, then lets them go on good behavior. Then the raider and Nall are seperated. Then they're not, and there's a touching family reunion. Then there are more trolls/orcs, and Nall is awesome, so he distracts them with ventriloquism. Then they all escape.

Now apparently the journey's beginning, even though it began a while ago. Now, it's IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER that the trees in Tarsonis are beautiful in the spring time! Even though it's summer! And therefore not relevant! Now, the elven people are treebirds. Like snowbirds, but with trees. During the winter, they build cities in the trees. In the summer, they build cities on the ground. And then raze them for winter. Unless they don't. And humans are funny to the elves. And green hair laughs out loud if you don't care about it. There are guns. The dwarves make them, and yet for some reason haven't conquered the world yet. Then there's a magic sword that hurts the user but doesn't, and a giant dragon. He then faints.

Now there's a guy named Coolwater. I'll place a bet that the next character we meet will be Lukewarmsteam. This guy is a mage. With no mage staff. And therefore not a mage. But he has a magical orb of power. This notmage mage also has a list of 100 heroes better than him, for some reason. But he doesn't have it. He must have left it in his other pants. Then he gets hist staff. He unleashes his awesome power, which must be commonplace, as everyone starts yawning. Or maybe making them yawn WAS the power!

Now there's someone named Aero, who apparently is so awesome that he doesn't need a description. He's on trial for stabbing someone. Yes, a democratic system in a fantasy world set in medieval times with guns and magic. Now he eats the judge. Yes, apparently he eats him. Then there's a long fight with a court guard while everyone sits around watching. Very important fact: ALL GUARDS HAVE FIRE BAZOOKAS. ALWAYS. Aero is hit. He then basically pokes the guard, killing him instantly. The guard's head also explodes. Then a zombie eats a juror. Then Aero kicks down the door and runs to freedom. But it's not freedom, he's knocked unconcious.

Now we have another person. He's apparently a BSDM furry, as he has a bondage animal. Named Bloodclaw. This person also is constantly annoyed. And doesn't care about the fainting elf further up. And... wait, that's the end?

And that's as much as has been written. I truly hope there's no more.

And Lead, understand this. First, Ideas for stories are great. Make sure it's UNIQUE and INTERESTING first. Two. Write it well. Unique and interesting ideas are great. But you have to convey them with words, not thoughts. Therefore master the English language before you start writing big stories. Third. STOP PUTTING IN NEW CHARACTERS THAT HAVE NO BACKSTORY THAT ARE IN PLACES WE DON'T KNOW OF AND IN OCCUPATIONS THAT AREN'T REFERRED TO AT ANY OTHER POINT. I mean, for crying out loud. Fourth. Make it realistic. You have an invincible character that can become invisible at will, kill a deer with one arrow, carry 128 pounds, a broadsword, a bow, a knife, and still walk without any problems. He's only weak when it suits your storyline. The bandit switched allegiance within a few seconds. I mean, what the heck? Also, I'm tired of this good bad guy cliche. Something more original please. In fact, MAKE THE WHOLE STORY MORE ORIGINAL. Fifth. LARP BATTLES DO NOT WORK IN REAL LIFE. Sixth. This whole thing is a badly written cliche, with ripoffs from other books. Lern2beoriginal. Seventh. REFER TO ALL OTHER NUMBERS. THEN USE THAT CRITICISM TO MAKE A BETTER, LESS CRAPPY STORY.

Thank you.


Wed Dec 19, 2007 6:38 pm
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
Everyone wrote:
make the story more original...blah blah blah



Harry potter was about a kid who could use magic, it involved unicorns, creatures that killed you via. eating your soul, shape shifting, broomsticks, magic spells, potions, and a cliche personnel nemesis for our Protagonist to fight, and a cliche main Antagonist who our Protagonist also had to fight. Our Protagonist was scarred for life when he was very young by our Antagonist, his family is 100% :dead: dead forever. They come back as ghosts to save him from dieing so as 3 more sequels can be made.


That sounds about like most books that have magic, and yet J.K. Rowling is worth more than the British royal family for writing a story with every element from other good books.

I consider Harry Potter original because of the plot, and the character's names.


Thu Dec 20, 2007 12:43 am
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Post Re: Story I'm Typing,
Make a furry erotica.
Quality doesn't matter there.


Thu Dec 20, 2007 12:47 am
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