Now for emotional rant, blame my teen years! So there is this girl named Rachel that I've been "friends" with for a couple of years. I barely knew her, still do, and all I would do is text her when I would get into a rough spot in life. It's funny how she still responded to a perfect stranger who spewed his problems and asked to help him, and I can't recall how we met or how I got her phone number. Anyways, things were different then and friends just came and went, but now I have to do my damnedest not to lose anymore. Rachel has been through that transition with me, when I lost what "social status" I was placed in and basically all the friends I had. I eventually fell into the group of kids that I have now, but I'm only good friends with 3 of them. It's shocking how quiet I've gotten in the past few weeks as well, but that's an entirely different issue. Sorry for that digression, but back to Rachel nevertheless. I think it was about 2 months ago when I really started talking to her more, and that was because I ran out of people to leech conversation from. She was immediately interesting when I started talking to her. We could hold conversations unlike all the average people I was trying to talk to and we even had phone calls. I loved talking on the phone with her, not because it was just a conversation through voice, but that kind of thing in this day and age is truly sincere I think. I began to sit with her during off periods and we would doodle things and write together, but it really wasn't like romantic or anything, just special in it's own way. She drove me to Starbucks once even though I don't drink coffee and I asked if she was licensed, cause I care about other people moving me around at sixty miles an hour, and she said yes, but later she said she only had a permit and I laughed at myself for trusting too easily (one of my worst qualities, or so it seems). It was fine, no harm done, I really should lighten up about things like that. All those things were really little and basically means nothing, but I rarely do anything with girls or just people, and I take ♥♥♥♥ like that way too far. So yeah, I like her and I don't know if she likes/ed me, and no one is chasing me and no one is chasing her so I thought it was somehow going to work. I thought something was finally going to work between me and another damn human being, but of course it's not fate or chance, it's just me. I kept saying I would watch movies with her, and I honestly wanted to, but I'm terrible at stuff like that. Skipping most of the other insignificant details, a couple of days ago I tried to talk to her and she said "I'm only going to talk to people who love me" and it sounds melodramatic, but it's also true that I don't love her. I tried to love her and I'm trying to love her, but I first need to know her. We haven't spoke since then, and it's really getting to me that I've done this again. I just ♥♥♥♥ up like usual... But I miss her. And I don't know if we'll speak again. And I don't know if things will ever change inside of me.

All in all, thanks if you read that whole thing, probably just a bunch of some whiny kid's writing, but this is how I vent.