Sometimes the people who have the least to say matter the most; Those few words carry more weight than one would otherwise imagine. Add me on skype or steam or email me, all the same, I think I might be able to lend a hand.

It's good to know I'm not the only one who goes off to type a novel about his shitty life.
And you're not the only one with ♥♥♥♥ up friend issues.
Because everyone is partially shitty.

when I was a kid, I retained the exact same group of friends for twelve years

due to this I existed in a bubble divorced entirely from standard social reality

it was grand

High School "friends" are usually just there to stifle your individuality. There are few exceptions.

Do what they said and ignore Sothe (good general advice that last bit really)

All I'm doing is poking fun at the apparent clique mentality of public high schools.

It seems that way because you never had a group of friends you frequented, I think.
Or maybe I was just at a weird school.

Technically, I was in a clique for a very short time before a two month ditching marathon.
Then I went to an alternative high school. Still a clique or two there, but not really. Liking Lil B unironically doesn't necessarily mean you're swag, and hang out with only other swag kids. But some kids are like that where I am. So yeah upon joining this new school, I had time to reinvent my image, and I learned to pretend to ignore girls. Now I'm in a one-year relationship.

Cliques are all around America I guess.

Just be yourself.

*****IGNORING WOMEN GETS YOU WOMEN******

Yeah for a while I was feeling the same kinda thing you've described. I still kinda feel the same way but I'm definitely coming off of it. Having friends is key, and internet friends don't count. It's not that you can't form real or meaningful relationships online, it's that for the most part they are too easy. I linked a related video around here before, I dunno if anyone really watched it but there are some who suggest that since we have so much online and naturally we gravitate to groups/people who are similar to us (and as seen frequently in this forum, do our best to pound down anyone who is different). That's really not getting the whole relationship experience, it's missing a lot of the interacting with otherness and what we're left with is mostly just an exploration of ourselves.

Also I understand some of Sothe's sentiment that having friends "stifle your individuality" to an extent, but really I don't think that needs to be seen as a bad thing. We are a product of our genes and our environment and we progress by assimilating new ideas from that which is external to us. Stifling your individuality really amounts to exposing you to behaviour or ways of thought you might not currently engage in and really a strong aversion to this only suggests a narcissistic attachment to our current self.

There is somewhat of an element of automatic "forced" conformity which can be seen to negatively affect you, but really have to remember that we can exercise control over how others affect us.

But, if you stifle yourself to what they think, you'll become weak and lose your own identity.

Ironically I'm a big supporter of solidarity. I just think at such a young age, it isn't ideal to assimilate to groups yet, since you're still trying to discover who you are.

When you assimilate the attitudes and behaviour of others, you aren't simply becoming watered down. While some of your traits are inevitably being pushed aside, you are also gaining elements of identity. For the most part you're only becoming stronger as you are gaining a greater pool of components from which to construct yourself.


If you're not under the influence of social groups at school, then you're only under the influence of your parents, or TV, or internet forum goers. And if not those, you're not exposed to anything at all and will experience major developmental stunting (emotional, mentally, and physically). I doubt you will argue that your peers at school are exclusively worse than the other groups one will necessarily be exposed to, and even then shutting yourself off from your peers is only doing yourself a disservice in world knowledge and social skills.

Perhaps an element to this is a fear that you are "losing" some of yourself and that the presence of the collective is eating up your personality. One thing that may be of comfort is that in a circle of friends you are likely having the same magnitude of effect on them as they are on you, and they're assimilating your traits as much as you theirs.

On the other hand, if distancing yourself from everyone else stunts your mental and social development, you'll probably end up worse off than if you made friends properly. And just because you have people around you that you enjoy doesn't mean it'll erase the real you.
Hell, as Contrary said, real life friends usually have differing opinions and offer "resistance" to your ideas. Having that sort of stimulation seems like it'd lead to growth and development rather than a stifling of your "true self".

EDIT: Dammit Contrary ninja'd me and said everything I was gonna.

Me and my tighter circle friends are 75% argument and I wouldn't have it any other way and those ideas that you push aside with friends, are often times more negative traits.

If I hadn't made my friends and let them influence me I'd be a significantly shittier person but then again I could see that person being how Sothe basically acts most of the time so maybe I'm not surprised that's the kind of thing he'd say?