BAKACHOO.

Tomaster [2]
You assist the double-bitches with their oral ministrations, forgoing SCIENCE.
Inventory:
- 4 ♥♥♥♥♥es
- Noisy Cricket
Abilities:
- Reincarnation

unwoundpath [10]
Dude, you don't have to force a thing. These people just got magically shunted onto escape pods and the earth just exploded, they are losing their ♥♥♥♥. They are THROWING their money at you to get a nice cheeseburger. Literally, you just got hit in the face with a bunch of quarters.
Status:
- Owner

caekdaemon [4+1=5]
AGH
♥♥♥♥
BEAR
EATING YOUR BLOOD
;__;
OW
Abilities:
- Animal Magnetism
- Human Female Magnet
Inventory:
Status:
- De-Blooded

Glowsticks (Bjorn Svenson) [7
SOMETHING ELSE SMELLS DAMN GOOD.
YOU HUNT DOWN THE MAPLE BLOODED PUNK AND DRINK ALL HIS MAPLE BLOOD.
♥♥♥♥ DELISH. PURE 100% MAPLE BLOOD, ♥♥♥♥♥es. GREAT WHITE NORTH.
YOU FALL ON A COUCH AND USE IT AS YOUR BED.
And then suddenly you're a naked man in a ski mask lying amongst the crushed remains of a couch, with a confused crowd of onlookers.
Inventory:
- Ski Mask
Status:

Izen [9]
You ignore the Forest to the South, and head North towards a Sword. How the hell a terraforming potato made a sword on Mars, you don't know. In fact, best not to think about any of it really.
You see the sword, a shining blade of glinting silver steel with a winged purple hilt. You walk up, and yank the blade from its pedestal, releasing a great burst of light from the ground around you.
You are now the Master ov Time!
Inventory:
- Baked Potato of Flawless Victory
- Mastered Sword
Status:
- Master ov Time

Natti (Harald Olafson) [7]
You keep your babby here, and play with him, while your Giant Wolverine mate heads off to the engine room to wreck all the ♥♥♥♥ it can get its hands on.
5 minutes and an astounding number of explosions later, the Giant Wolverine returns, holding a large chunk of scrap metal stuff in its mouth.
Status:
- Wolverine Momma

Harzipan (LORD BARNABY TERROR OF BLUEMOON MANSE) [2]
Wait, why don't you just... like... use the lava...
Bam! Silicon based life forms! ♥♥♥♥ yeah, you made lava-people.
You ask Saturn what's up.
It says not much, but apparently Mars got some probe thing or something the other day? Yeah, ask it, nobody ever comes to land on Saturn. It also says sorry for your whole exploding thing, Saturn'll buy you a six pack. You thank your planet-bro.
Abilities:
- Molten Planet-Thing
- Lava People

Nighthawk (Pablo) [-]
Suddenly you explode from inactivity.
SHOULD'VE ACTIONED MORE YOU GUESS.
Inventory:
- Spear
Status:
- DED

CrazyMLC [5]
The escape pod inexplicably slows down a bit! Nobody is quite sure why. The space pod however is glad to not be rocketing along at such speed. It also activates the windshield wipers, allowing the poor splattered alien to get inside.
Suddenly you feel a massive pain as your tail end explodes from a Giant Wolverine blasting its way out of your ass. Predictably, the ship stops from having its engines exploded.
Status:
- Escape Pod
- Armed to the Teeth
- Exploded Ship-ass

Roast (Robodil Robodilson)[7]
"B3ECAUSE I AM REBUILDING MYSELF"
That works.
You begin ripping panels from the walls and constructing another robot half to complete your monkey glory.

Status:
- Robot Half Monkesiah

111herbert111 [8]
Ok these guys can't hear you at all. You instead communicate directly with the ship, asking it to activate the windshield wipers, which it does, scraping you off and causing you to enter the airlock recently left open by an escaping man with a potato.
As the airlock hisses open, you hear gasps and screams of surprise at your splatter-y alien visage.
Abilities:
- Splattered Flying Purple Space Alien

Miggles [6]
The Ottoman stabs you in the face, and it is an incredibly painful and debilitating wound! There is now a sword going through your mouth, in one cheek and out the other.
Status:
- Urine-trouble!
- Swordmouth

TheKebbit [4]
You talk a bit with the reformed Earth, then SNARE YOUR MOONS WITH YOUR RING OF DEATH AND SWALLOW THEM INTO YOUR GAS-GIANT NESS.
Well that was kinda a waste.

Nighthawk [9]
You're... A fluffy white teddy bear. Named White Chocolate.

Game Events: Everyone is on a sentient escape pod, with an Ottoman, a rampaging robot half-monkey, a splattered Purple Space Alien, a McDonalds, and a Giant Wolverine and its cub inside.

What do you do?

I'm the master of time?
I can control all of time and manipulate it as I see fit?





*Ahem*


>REVERSE TIME TO THE BEGINNING OF THIS RTD AND FOLLOW THE SEMI-PLOT ORIGINALLY PLANNED

Dude the earth exploding was the first bit of plot I had for this thing, and I only pulled that out because you guys were too disjointed for my tastes.

Uh.

Well, if we reset, we can be rejointed, or something