reabsorb my splattered pieces and extricate myself from the ship.

I didn't mean eat my powers, I meant adjust them for the canadian parts.

Purge the moose.

Ducks!

Tomaster [8]
Dayum, these ♥♥♥♥♥es are FLEXIBLE.
A round of group bedroom exercise later, you get up, don your pants, and walk over to a nearby console on the wall as the two you enjoyed doze happily. The third follows you over to better protect.
"Alright, stay still and don't freak out."
"What?"
You hit the large button labelled "SCIENCE" on the console, and a small raygun pops out of the ceiling, zapping your protecting ♥♥♥♥♥. With a noisy *pop*, she duplicates, forcing a copy of her out via mitosis. Unfortunately, they had to share their clothing, resulting in the original keeping her shirt, and the new one keeping the pants.
Logically, the two immediately begin making out.
...
What? That's the first thing ANYONE should do if they meet their clone.
Inventory:
- 4 ♥♥♥♥♥es
- Noisy Cricket
Abilities:
- Reincarnation

unwoundpath [7]
No... That is beyond even your prowess. However...
You swiftly reprogram the food dispenser, forcing it to choose only from a pre-approved menu of McDonalds based food substances. You then set up a line and begin charging money to order from the machine.
Close enough to home.
Status:
- Owner

caekdaemon [6+1=7]
You run to the bathroom, and purge the rest of the Moose from your system.
Doesn't seem to have restored your powers.
Abilities:
- Animal Magnetism
- Human Female Magnet
- Maple Blood (+1 to rolls)
Inventory:
Status:

Glowsticks (Bjorn Svenson) [2 ♥♥♥♥ YOU BEARS GET NINES.]
NOPE SLEEPAN.
NOPE ♥♥♥♥ THAT ♥♥♥♥ I'M A BEAR. YOU GET UP AND EAT THOSE ♥♥♥♥ MAPLE BLOODED TENTACLES. REMINDS YOU OF HOME. ♥♥♥♥ YEAH.
Inventory:
- Ski Mask
Status:
- ♥♥♥♥ THE POLICE I'M A BEAR

Izen [9]
NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR SADCRY.
NOW IS THE TIME FOR ACTION.
You run to the airlock, leap headfirst into the void, eliciting gasps of surprise from everyone who sees it, and activate The Potato. You are then magically flown at very high speeds to Mars, where upon impacting the surface, it explodes in an expanding wave of terraforming might, stopping after travelling a kilometer and erecting a large protective dome.
You are now in the middle of a field of flowers. A babbling brook babbles nearby, and there is a forest to the south.
Inventory:
- Baked Potato of Flawless Victory

Natti (Harald Olafson) [2]
Hmm...
Nope, no scrap on the ship. It's all shiny and pristine and not broken.
Yet.
Status:
- Wolverine Momma

Harzipan (LORD BARNABY TERROR OF BLUEMOON MANSE) [2]
A couple lava bubbles form, then burst. Making creatures is hard.
Abilities:
- Molten Planet-Thing

Nighthawk (Pablo) [-]
Suddenly you explode from inactivity.
SHOULD'VE ACTIONED MORE YOU GUESS.
Inventory:
- Spear
Status:
- DED

CrazyMLC [8]
Ok, ok, just... calm down. They're like those bacteria in human guts. Harmless passengers, not at all sexy. Yes.
Okay...
You manage to calm back down, then sprout new weapons across your hull. Somehow.
Your new armament includes BLASTER BOMB LAUNCHERS and PLASMA CANNONS! Along with a bunch of normal guns and such as well!
Status:
- Escape Pod
- Armed to the Teeth

Roast (Robodil Robodilson)[5]
You become the Robot Half. Hmm. Why are you murdering all these innocents?

Status:
- Robot Half Monkesiah

111herbert111 [3]
Kinda hard to do when the force of being pushed against a rocket screaming through space is pushing you against a rocket screaming through space.
Abilities:
- Flying Purple Space Alien Splatter

Miggles [6]
The Ottoman stabs you in the face, and it is an incredibly painful and debilitating wound! There is now a sword going through your mouth, in one cheek and out the other.
Status:
- Urine-trouble!
- Swordmouth

TheKebbit [7]
YOU BECOME SATURN. YOU WATCH THE PUNY SPACE-HUMANS IN THEIR PUNY HUMAN-POD.

Game Events: Everyone is on a sentient escape pod, with an Ottoman, a rampaging robot half-monkey, a bear, a bunch of dead tentacles, and a Giant Wolverine and its cub inside. There is a Purple Space Alien screaming and stuck to the pod's window.

What do you do?

♥♥♥♥, I can't wreak havoc upon the cosmos in this state,
attempt to communicate with the occupants of the rocket; ask them to slow down and squeegee me off the windows.

Order the wolverines to break stuff. Not other passengers, though.