Harzipan, I think you should be name "Bob"

Bob is a terrible name for a planet. Earth 2 is much more classy.

Bleh, I'm tired. I'll roll after dinner or something. OK.

unwoundpath [10]
You run in circles, freak the hell out, and realize your McDonalds is gone.
You then freak the ♥♥♥♥ out MORE.

Status:
- Owner

caekdaemon [4+1=5]
You consume your sworddick back into a regular ♥♥♥♥.
WHAT powers, they died off?
Abilities:
- Animal Magnetism
- Human Female Magnet
- Maple Blood (+1 to rolls)
Inventory:
Status:

Glowsticks (Bjorn Svenson) [2]
SLEEPING BEAR POWER.
Inventory:
- Ski Mask
Status:
- ♥♥♥♥ THE POLICE I'M A BEAR

Izen [2]
You punch in Comfort Food into the machine.
It dispenses a baked potato.
You take it and curl up in the corner, sadly eating while silently crying to yourself.
Inventory:
- Baked Potato of Sorrow

Natti (Harald Olafson) [4]
You see a sleeping bear over to one side.
Everyone is avoiding the HELL out of it.
Status:
- Wolverine Momma

Harzipan (LORD BARNABY TERROR OF BLUEMOON MANSE) [5]
You are now to be known as Earth-2. Suddenly your gravity increases a bunch, and all the chunks of earth come back together crookedly, before the inner parts crush down and turn into molten planet. Then pretty much all of the planet sinks into the molten core, making it all a big molten ball of planet.
Abilities:
- Molten Planet-Thing

Nighthawk (Pablo) [1]
Suddenly you explode from inactivity.
SHOULD'VE ACTIONED MORE YOU GUESS.
Inventory:
- Spear
Status:
- DED

CrazyMLC [10]
Whoops you failed at not thinking sexual thoughts. Your windshield wipers activate as your body readies itself for docking.
How windshield wipers are a part of spaceship-mating you'll never know. You DO pop an Antimatter Reactor though, allowing the ship to go at Ludicrous Speed.
Status:
- Escape Pod

Roast (Robodil Robodilson)[1]
Your Robot Half takes the Monkey Half and smashes it against a wall then feeds it into the garbage chute.
You are burned into fuel for the ship.

Status:
- Monkesiah
- So very dead

Tomaster [5]
That's...
Not how ♥♥♥♥♥es work.
At all.
And no matter how great, a single ♥♥♥♥♥ cannot multitask.
However, you set one to protecting you while the other two "pleasure" you.
In the privacy of another pod entirely. One with a large, bouncy bed.
Inventory:
- 3 ♥♥♥♥♥es
- Noisy Cricket
Abilities:
- Reincarnation

111herbert111 [7]
Well you kinda got exploded from hitting a high-speed space-pod. You're a messy purple splatter on the ship right now. Not even any wings.
Abilities:
- Flying Purple Space Alien Splatter

Miggles [5]
You throw a jar of your own piss at an Ottoman. He gets covered in piss and then gets pissed.
Oh ♥♥♥♥ he's walking towards you and he has a sword.
Status:
- Urine-trouble!

Game Events: Everyone is on a sentient escape pod, with an Ottoman, a rampaging robot half-monkey, a bear, a bunch of dead tentacles, and a Giant Wolverine and its cub inside. There is a Purple Space Alien screaming and stuck to the pod's window.

What do you do?