Am I the lava god? If so, oops.

IF LAVA GOD: Absorb the surrounding universe. Slowly, but dramatically.

IF NOT LAVA GOD: Be one of the survivors on the shuttlecraft. Check out who I'm with, if anyone.

Will this end of happening to me in every RTD?

No way I can ♥♥♥♥ up this time!

Arise from the depths of space, a terrible burden on humanity's soul and a hater of people who wear purple shirts!

USO DA

unwoundpath [3]
The earth exploded, that's what happened! You scan around the room, and oh ♥♥♥♥.
Over there. On the other side of the room.
Watching you. Waiting.
♥♥♥♥.
Status:
- Owner

caekdaemon [2+1=3]
"Ahahahahahaha. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Your tentacles wither and fall off. Apparently Prototype powers are allergic to moose.
Abilities:
- Animal Magnetism
- Human Female Magnet
- Maple Blood (+1 to rolls)
Inventory:
- Sworddick
Status:

Glowsticks (Bjorn Svenson) [-]
YOU FIRE A SUPER ANTI COP BLAST.
HALF THE POLICE ARE NOW DEAD. YOUR BLAST ONLY HIT 1 HALF OF THE PLANET.
YOU DECIDE TO TAKE A BEARNAP.
Inventory:
- Ski Mask
Status:
- ♥♥♥♥ THE POLICE I'M A BEAR

Izen [10]
"RIP Earth, you had the best stuff."
The inside of the pod is shiny and silver, and has Thing Dispensers around the edges. Food, Clothes, Medicine, Dildos, etc. All the necessities. Aside from that, there's not much here. No controls or anything at least... Well, there's the Teleport Pad in the very center you suppose.

Natti (Harald Olafson) [4]
You stack a couple beer cans on your head, but they merely fall off. You cannot make armor from beer cans!
Maybe you should find some bear cans...
Status:
- Wolverine Momma

Harzipan (LORD BARNABY TERROR OF BLUEMOON MANSE) [5]
You are now the hardened rocky remains of a lava god, back where the center of the planet Earth once stood. SHAMEFUL DISPLAY.
Abilities:
- Space-rock

Nighthawk (Pablo) [1]
Suddenly you explode from inactivity.
SHOULD'VE ACTIONED MORE YOU GUESS.
Inventory:
- Spear
Status:
- DED

CrazyMLC [3]
You are suddenly the Escape Pod.
You blush furiously at the thought of so many people being inside you.
Status:
- Escape Pod

Roast (Robodil Robodilson)[1]
Your Robot Half suddenly goes berserk, tears itself off the monkey half, and goes on a rampage through the pod. You die again.

Status:
- Monkesiah
- Dead Again

Tomaster [3]
...
Oh god. Your drugs. They were all on your old body.
HOW WILL YOU GET HIGH NOW?
Inventory:
- 3 ♥♥♥♥♥es
- Noisy Cricket
Abilities:
- Reincarnation

111herbert111 [7]
Suddenly, a flying purple space alien splats against the window of the large escape pod, flailing and screaming in the vacuum of space.
EVERYONE INSIDE IT. THEY ARE WEARING PURPLE SKIRTS.
Abilities:
- Flying Purple Space Alien

Miggles [2]
A jar of piss hits you in the face, shattering all over you.
Status:
- Urine-trouble!

Game Events: Everyone is on a sentient escape pod, with an Ottoman, a rampaging robot half-monkey, a bear, a bunch of dead tentacles, and a Giant Wolverine and its cub inside. There is a Purple Space Alien screaming and stuck to the pod's window.

What do you do?