Roll, roll, roll your derp, gently down the herp. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, wit is but a dream.

Miggles [3]
>Give big speech about the Spiral Nemesis. Then attack the SPIRAL SCUM
Miggles: "IF YOU KEEP EVOLVING, YOU WILL BECOME UNIVERSES AND FECAL MATTER WILL START COPULATING. THAT IS NOT A PRETTY SIGHT SO LET ME TELL YOU NOW DON'T GO THERE BRO. DON'T GO THERE. BUT ANYWAY I KNOW YOU'RE INTO THAT ♥♥♥♥ SO I WON'T BE ABLE TO TALK YOU OUT OF IT SO I'M JUST GONNA KILL YOU NOW."

You charge at the spiral freaks and...

TorrentHKU [5]
> Boot to Migglesface.
You kick up into the air, and feel a satisfying *thud* as a crazed derp runs head first into your heel.
This is followed by another *thud* as said crazed derp crumples to the floor, unconscious.
"K.O."

...
You aren't sure who said that.

Not that it matters.

HKU: "So uh, what the hell is going on? Where are we?"

Harzipan [3]
Cut off leg and grow a new cybernetic replacement using nanobots that I definitely had in my bloodstream the entire time.
The shard of bone you managed to obtain is sort of lodged into your knee, you don't think you can get it out to use it as a cutting implement. You don't think trying to get your leg off with your bare hands will work either.
If that wasn't enough, you're kind of crippled by pain.

Izen [5]
>Inquire into why I'm being ghost-arrested
Izen: "If there's a restraining order, aren't you supposed to, oh, I don't know, tell me about it?"
Ghost Policeman: "Lemme be frank, this is the ghost world, bub. Whatever you're thinkin', your laws down there don't mean nothin'. Ya have to be able to defend yourself, and that can't really happen if you aren't in court now can it? Plus, depending on the charges, we may throw you in purgatory for couple o' years."
Izen: "P-Purgatory?!"
You ♥♥♥♥ your metaphorical ghost pants.

The ghost police apprehend you and drag you along, up ahead you can see what looks to be a courthouse.
What have you gotten yourself into now?

Adriaan [4]
Check if the door is indeed a door and not a wall. Try again. If that doesn't work, use doorknob.
You acertain that this is indeed a door, and not a wall. You try kicking it down again, with the same result as before. A try of the handle tells you it's locked.

It's almost like something wants to keep you ♥♥♥♥ blissfully ignorant idiots in here until you randomly manage to figure out what the ♥♥♥♥ is going on before you start tearing the world apart?
You dunno.

Asklar [6]
>Go to the psychologist to find out why I'm so derp.
Asklar: "Hey, doc, I seem to be really derpy lately."
Psychologist Asklar: "Mmm... And how does that make you feel?"
Asklar: "I dunno. I guess it makes me feel a little herpy."
Psychologist Asklar: "Ah, yes... I see the problem now."
Asklar: "What is it doc? What do I do?"
Psychologist Asklar: "Well... I think the first step is to stop talking to yourself."
*poof*
Asklar: "Huh?"

??? [2]
> Find out what in the world is going on in the other room. Check on the doc.
You get up from your desk and open the door to find a bunch of idiots, and a lot of blood.
...
You attempt to comprehend at least some small part of the situation, but to no avail.
Wait... is...
???: "Oh my god. No!"
You run over to him and check his pulse...
But he's gone, without a mark on him.
His...his heart must have given out.

*sob*
*sniffle*

???: "Was?... No... No...he... He is. HE IS DAMMIT." *crumples over, weeping* "I can't..."