How boorish.

I'll fix it then. It's relatively simple.

Harzipan [1]
MURDER THE ATTACKER. KILL KILL KILL.
YOU TRY TO KILL THE TACKLING BASTARD WITH SOME HEADBUTTS.
HITTING HIS BUTT WITH YOUR HEAD DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK SO WELL.

Asklar [1]
>Socialize with everyone.
You try to socialize with the two guys who so rudely announced themselves to you, and you watch as the guy on top smashes his head into the other guy's ass.
You try to make friends with him... but he doesn't respond. It looks like he's sleeping?
...
HOW DARE HE TRY TO SLEEP WHEN YOU WANT TO SOCIALIZE WITH HIM. INCONSIDERATE.
You freak out a little bit.
But you know, you're quite proud of your work.
Especially the one you drew on this sleeping old man's face.

Adriaan [6]
Put on sunglasses, then find out what's going on.
Sunglasses, check.
Aw yeah, that's better.
It looks like some retards were trying to have sex with their clothes on until they fell asleep on top of one another. How adorable.
You spot another guy going around drawing faces on everyone who's unconscious in the room, when you see him go behind a desk.
You follow 'im back there and see an old geezer.
You're pretty sure he's dead, or close to it.

Harzipan [3]
Keep on /murder -ing.
You wake up from some kind of short nap and find yourself kinda sleepy. It seems you've been sleeping on a rather nice, comfortable ass.
Finally up on your hands and knees, you remember what you were doing.
Harzipan: "DIIIIIIIIE!"
You start smashing his head into the floor as hard as you can...

Adriaan [6]
Try to remember anything from before SIGNING UP LIKE A BOSS. Examine surroundings and check if the old man is still alive.
The guys back there are at it again, and one of them is screaming bloody murder.
Your reaction.
You move forwards, shoving sharpie kid out of the way. A quick feel of the man's neck tells you one thing.
He really needs to use lotion.
Oh, and on closer inspection, he's probably dead.
It seems you're out of leads, unless the old man might have been fiddling with something before he died...?

Asklar [1]
>Find the exit. If not, draw one.
You're admiring your work when a hand falls on your shoulder and pushes you to the side.
He doesn't even apologize; it's like you aren't even there.
These guys are jerks. You decide it's best to leave them.
Using your impressive wit and imagination, you draw a door on a nearby wall with your magic sharpie.
Asklar: "ADIOS, SUCKERS."
You open the door, and jump through.

Izen [3]
>Find exit, run from the crazy
Your mind is really fuzz on the details, but you think you're being assaulted.
*THUD*
Ow! Yes, definitely being assaulted!
Quickly, you twist around, managing to knock your assailant off of you.
Before you know it, you're hopping over an unconscious guy with a sharpie and running for the door!

Harzipan [2]
Chase assailant. Try to break their legs.
Harzipan: "GET BACK HERE. I SHALL GET REVENGE."
LUUUUUNGE!
You smash mightily into the tackling jerk's legs, causing him to fall flat on his face, with you as well.
It seems you're in the same position as before; your face is right next to this guy's ass.
What are you doing?

Asklar [4]
>Draw an eyepatch and a crown on my face.
You're unconscious, but it seems you didn't get the memo.
Oh well, a quick motion with your sharpie and you have a wonderful golden crown and a badass eyepatch.
You are the most impressive pirate in all the land, uniting your crew under your wondrous flag.
All bow before your glory.

TorrentHKU [4]
> Dynamic Entry. On everyone at once.
DYNAMIC ENTRY.
Hah. Totally wrecked that guy's sunglasses, and now he's sleeping like a baby.
Just couldn't handle your awesome.