LET THERE BE clowns

Roast Veg (Bodil Bodilson) [4]
You must solve some crimes!
...
Where are some crimes?
Hmm...
AHA! A bloody and de-skinned policeman, in this back alley here! WHAT FIEND could have DONE such a THING!? A fellow policeman shows up on the scene, shaking his head at the grisly affair.
He's seen some things on the force, but never something like this.
Status:
- Monkey King
- Cunning Disguise

unwoundpath [5]
Dewk Newkem Furuver it is!
...
God this game is awful. You rage and throw the entire game console out the window angrily. ♥♥♥♥, bedtime. You fall onto your bed and instantaneously fall asleep.
Status:
- Assistant Manager

caekdaemon [9]
Oh gods.
I
Uh
Okay. Well.
I could write something, but this is a family friendly forum.
But I said this'd be pretty all out, so...

[THE FOLLOWING TEXT HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS TOO MATURE FOR DRL'S SENSIBILITIES AND HAS BEEN REMOVED. SUFFICE TO SAY, ♥♥♥♥ GOT MESSY. AND SLIMY.]

20 minutes later, the katamari falls apart, dozens of panting and satiated women flopping to the ground as a man that can deploy tentacles from his body lies at the center, much more thoroughly satiated.
Yeah. That uh. That's all.
Abilities:
- Animal Magnetism
- Human Female Magnet
- Tentacles
Inventory:
- Sworddick

Nighthawk (Geoffry) [1]
You grow some solid gold buttons. Oh! They seem to have worked! Someone is coming! You await the person to sit down, and-
OOF
OH GOD WHAT
NO
YOU'RE FAT
TOO FAT
A FAT OLD MAN IS SITTING ON YOU
OH GOD YOUR TIMBERS ARE CREAKING
OH GOD GET OFF GET OFF GET O-
*CRUNCH*
"aaah! eeerhfg, dey jess dun makeum liek dey used ter. errrhnghflg, were're m'pillsh."

YOU ARE DEAD.

Status:
- Demonic Armchair

Tomaster [8]
You take the spider leg, not one to waste a delicacy, and begin munching on it. The woman with the sushi faints, falling onto your lap. Well, that makes 3!
You set the new addition to your posse down, and barrel roll over the counter. Hmm... There should be some cool stuff back here...
Oh? These'll do you suppose.
"Hey ladies, catch."
You lug two light machine guns over the counter, and throw one to both of your awake ♥♥♥♥♥es. Nothing more kickass that hot chicks firing big guns. You then set another down next to the sleeping one, and grab a piece for yourself. Small, but you've got a nice feeling about it.
Inventory:
- 3 ♥♥♥♥♥es

Glowsticks (Bjorn Svenson) [2]
"Vwell. Hello dere. I bet you ver not expecteeng... THEES!"
You raise your hand at the police, flinging every chunk of anything in the area at them! The police explode into gore!
...
Why aren't they exploding into gore. Why isn't everything flying at them. WHY ARE YOU BEING SHOT OH GOD YOUR LEG FLEW OFF
You fall down and bleed, then go unconscious.
Inventory:
- Ski Mask
Status:
- One Legged

Izen [7]
You awaken. There are several guards around you holding guns, and you're tied to a chair.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU"
There is suddenly a large angry shouting man in your face.
"Izen."
"WHO THE ♥♥♥♥ SENT YOU"
"The dice."
"WHAT THE ♥♥♥♥ ARE YOU DOING ON THIS SUB"
"For some reason, not eating a sammich. Care to fix that?"
The angry man raises his eyebrows and backs off. He gives you a suspicious look.
"SOMEONE GET THIS MAN A SAMMICH."
Wait, what.

Miggles [-]
Your actions become completely incomprehensible! Even more than before!

Natti (Harald Olafson) [5]
Immediately over the next hill, you find a clown corpse, still clothed. You loot it for its silly clothing and toss the meaty body to the giant wolverine, who greedily devours it. It then begins following you. Ok, nearby cities, nearby cities...
There's something off on the horizon you see. Could be a town. Your stomach rumbles.

nicolasx (John Johnson Smith Smitherson) [3]
You walk outside. It's dark. You head into the nearby parking lot. Lights are on, it is less dark. You see no "unwoundpath". You continue searching.
You still find no "unwoundpath" 5 hours later.

Harzipan (LORD BARNABY TERROR OF BLUEMOON MANSE) [4]
Barny the Dinosaur finds himself skydiving.
Somehow.
TOWARDS A VOLCANO!

'Ey. Dude. I'm not Zebten. Please don't make me be him. All is well. Carry on.

Attempt to grow wings in lieu of the missing parachute that I'm sure that is not on my back.

WAKE UP AND GO TO WORK, LIKE A BOSS.... Pick up fish...

This is the best RTD ever, I am literally laughing.

That's what I like to hear!

Splash some Everclear on the ♥♥♥♥♥, and then go to the nearest sports car dealership and steal the best car there.
HYPER KEEP UP WITH MY INVENTORY. I now have my own gun, and my ♥♥♥♥♥es are armed.

Phew...

How about some power's like Alex Mercer from Prototype? That could be fun.

GRA

Roast Veg (Bodil Bodilson) [6]
"Don't worry officer, I've got this one. I'm a cop from outta's state, and this looks like my kind of case, kapesh?"
"Oh, that's good to hear. You must be good if they called you in from out of state. Hey, how about I help you look around?"
Before you can object he begins searching the area around the corpse. You take a moment to wipe your hands off on a nearby wall, then walk over to the murder whistling innocently.
Time to look for clues! Hmm... This man appears to have been mauled by a large, extremely strong animal or person with 5 fingered hands! And fur!

Status:
- Monkey King
- Cunning Disguise

unwoundpath [4]
Suddenly you awaken! It is now morning!
You head into work and see one of the cashiers mopping the floor and picking up dead fish while weeping about the fact that this is the high point of his life.
You yell at him to stop getting the floor wetter, and happily head to the back to meet with the manager for the day. As you enter the office, he looks up at you.
"Ah, good to see you! Er, do you hear wild uncontrollable sobbing out there?"

Status:
- Assistant Manager

caekdaemon [4]
Your tentacles all turn black. You find yourself unable to do much besides that.
One of the women at your feet mutters something about never going back.

Abilities:
- Animal Magnetism
- Human Female Magnet
- Tentacles
Inventory:
- Sworddick

Tomaster [4]
You pour a shot of Everclear onto the sleeping one's head, but it does nothing. You just throw her over your shoulder for now. You and your guns and your awake ♥♥♥♥♥es head down the street, looking for a place that sells expensive cars. You find a Chevy dealership, run by a couple of cowboy brothers.

Inventory:
- 3 Armed ♥♥♥♥♥es
- Piece

Glowsticks (Bjorn Svenson) [9]
SUDDENLY YOU WAKE UP.
SUDDENLY YOU ARE A BEAR.
SUDDENLY ALL THE POLICE ARE DEAD AND IN PIECES AND YOU ARE EATING THE PIECES AND RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
Your leg is back too.

Inventory:
- Ski Mask
Status:
- ♥♥♥♥ THE POLICE I'M A BEAR

Izen [4]
You are given a sammich. Actually, you're still tied to the chair, so the guy who brought the sammich pretty much holds it up to your mouth and forces you to eat. It's a pretty good sammich and all, but you can't really take over a submarine with your mouth filled like this.

Miggles [-]
Your actions become completely incomprehensible! Even more than before!

Natti (Harald Olafson) [4]
You "ride" the Wolverine to town. It's a very sordid affair.
You arrive to find the town is actually a ghost town! It's been abandoned for what must be years! Dust and tumbleweeds everywhere, and just a few feet outside the town it's nice and grassy! How strange.
Your stomach rumbles again, harder this time.

nicolasx (John Johnson Smith Smitherson) [4]
You mutter to yourself.
"Crap. I guess il just have to use my tracking software like a baws."
You pull out your Tracking Software. You wonder why they call it tracking software if it's a dedicated device. You ignore the silly naming and activate the Tracking Software. You wait while it tracks, and check once it beeps its done-ness. You look at the Tracking Software. You notice that the nearest RtD character is about 20 feet to your right.
You look over, and see a couple of policemen in an alley, investigating a murder. You notice one of them is very large.

Your Inventory:
- Your Tracking Software

Harzipan (LORD BARNABY TERROR OF BLUEMOON MANSE) [4]
A pair of wings explodes out of your back, ripping apart both your shirt and your parachute.
Didn't quite think that through, did you?

I may be too late, if "GRA" means that you're posting, but meh.

> Join as the fifth teenage mutant ninja turtle, named [insert name here].