>Sign up. Be awesome.
This is a good idea.
Nothing will go wrong. NOTHING

attend teh rtd BE THE GEROMY
youre name is GEROMY and your are a BLAKC man and yelow pajamaj
you like to RID HORSEDS and you have a pet squirrelt who you give him your momey all the time

> geromy; go to zoo

Cruise around town with my ♥♥♥♥♥es. Look for adventures.

ROLLBARGARGARGAR

Roast Veg (Bodil Bodilson) [7]
You enter the department store and wander around a bit, frightening small children and knocking over perfume displays, until you find your way to the pants section. A frightened attendant comes up to you and nervously asks what she can help you with.
You remove your pants and point to them, ooking insistently. She nervously leads you to the pants section, BUT NONE OF THE PANTS FIT! You are saddened immensely by this.
Instead, you grab some XXXL polo shirts, a large number of belts, and the largest pair of slacks you can find, and BY THEIR POWERS COMBINED, you make some absolutely retarded leg coverings, complete with junk-holster.
You are so majestic.
Status:
- Monkey King
- Monkey King Pants

unwoundpath [4]
You don't cook anymore, you're the Assistant Manager! You go into the office and fill out all the bothersome paperwork the Manager is too lazy to fill out.
Status:
- Assistant Manager

caekdaemon [6]
Your RTD character stabs you in the ♥♥♥♥.
Stop being so meta, it's too much work to roll for.
Status:
- Stabdick

Nighthawk (Geoffry) [-]
You are an armchair named Geoffry.

Tomaster [8]
So you're just chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool, when a couple of guys who were up to no good start making trouble in your neighborhood. They try to hit on your ♥♥♥♥♥es, who promptly cling tightly to you in defense. Nobody hits on your ♥♥♥♥♥es but YOU.
You grab your ♥♥♥♥♥es around the waist.
"Hang on tight mah hunnies."
You then deliver the most rightous leg based, high flying, spin flipping asskicking the world has ever seen to these chumps. They regret ever having stepped on your turf, and the less broken ones drag the unconscious ones out of there.
One of your ♥♥♥♥♥es swoons in your arms.
Inventory:
- 2 ♥♥♥♥♥es

Glowsticks (Bjorn Svenson) [-]
You, BJORN SVENSON, walk through the gleaming streets of the not-very-ambiguous New Asslandia. Your fine city is the first to pioneer the science of Ass Farming, and the market is proving to be a veritable goldmine. It's astounding how many people will pay good money for a good ass.

Izen [5]
You sign up for this nonsense, and are a moderately cool guy, on a military submarine in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
You have no idea how the hell you got here.

Miggles [5]
Your horrendous incomprehensible nonsense catches fire and burns to ash.

Go attend a nightclub and do cocaine!

CHRIST THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE

Roast Veg (Bodil Bodilson) [5]
You stroll the streets, allowing the general populace to take in your glory. They begin weeping and fleeing in awe at your majesty, especially the women and children.
It's good to be king.
Status:
- Monkey King
- Monkey King Pants

unwoundpath [2]
You are tired after all that work, so you decide you need a drink. Sadly, you are broke until next paycheck, so decide to sneak a drink from the fishtank. Yes, your McDonalds has a fishtank. Classy Establishment, ♥♥♥♥♥es!
Mid-drink, your exhaustion overcomes you, and you fall asleep, dragging the fishtank over the edge of the table, falling to the ground, and covering both the ground and yourself in water, dead fish, and broken glass.
Status:
- Assistant Manager

caekdaemon [6]
You take your stabdick, and pull out the stab, then put it back in the other way. You have acquired a sworddick!
Status:
- Sworddick

Nighthawk (Geoffry) [5]
A middle aged woman decides to rest for a moment, and sits down on you. Not bad, but you could do a lot better.

Tomaster [2]
You go to a nightclub, punch a random man in the ♥♥♥♥, and search through his pockets, easily locating a bag of white powder. You tear it open with your teeth and dumb the powder into your nostrils, breathing deep.
And then it turns out the white powder was basically itching powder and tarantula eggs.
The sensation inside your nostrils is burning and indescribably uncomfortable, and the eggs haven't even hatched yet! You fall to the floor, ♥♥♥♥♥es looking on in fear, and clutch at your face screaming.
Inventory:
- 2 ♥♥♥♥♥es

Glowsticks (Bjorn Svenson) [7]
You, BJORN SVENSON, acquire and wear your Ski Mask, then swagger into the First Bank of New Asstropolis. You flip a file cabinet over some heads and smash a random cashier into a bloody pulp with it, then yell.
"NOBODY MOVE, THIS IS A STICKUP!"
Inventory:
- Ski Mask
Abilities:
- Telekinesis

Izen [5]
What the hell do you think of course you don't work on the sub!
You find yourself at gunpoint of several angry men in uniforms, who throw you to the ground roughly. This is a terrible day!

Miggles [6]
Your incomprehensible nonsense reignites, burning the ash into nothingness.
You fall down on the ground and sob many tears of sadness.

Natti (Harald Olafson) [4]
You are a midget. You find yourself, once again, in the untamed wilderness, naked, and surrounded by empty booze bottles. To the north is a Giant Wolverine. You are absolutely terrified of Giant Wolverines. Luckily, it seems not to have spotted you.