Everyone rate me 1-10 so I can prove my friend right or wrong. QUICKLY, NO TIME TO SPARE.

10
<3

(FYI I'm being objective, not gay)

Relative to what? Sexiness?
6. -4 because you don't look leonardo dicaprio-ey enough.

Attractiveness, or sexiness, if you speak like that.

7

eyyy

you actually look pretty good. not sure how to convert that into a numerical rating. perhaps a 7 or so.

I believe I should explain myself.
I am known as the JESTER OF JAM. You have most likely gathered this.
No one, not even I, knows my birthname. I was raised by the king himself, after being abandoned by my parents. As I grew up I had a fond attachment to practical jokes and gags.
Years upon years ago, when I was but a grubling, I remember my real father's voice, calling out to me. I saw as his shadowed, faceless silhouette meandered into my room. I vaguely remember being picked up, and taken away. As I was being transported, my father told me a legend, going back to the butterian era. 'Thousands of years ago, there lived the most prestigious and talented jester of all time,' he said. 'He gave his life for his king, by battling a breadbeast with nothing but his wits. He was devoured whole, but the last, fading bits of life inside of him had killed the beast from the inside.'
The feast afterwards was said to be great; legend says it lasted for 100 years. But the death of the brave jokeknight was not in vain. The king had said henceforth that all jesters would be treated as part of the royal family and given their own servants.
With the exception of me. I like to think of myself as humble, so when given the choice, I had declined. I loved my family very much, but I was not quite happy about slavery nor monarchy.
Later on in life I had done something that had changed the society of the Jellitions forever. I gained the attention of my real parents by doing what I did, at least according to Jelleofrey, one of the royal messengers who also happened to be my best friend. He was killed before he could bring me to them however. I later found out the king had planned his death.
Anger, sadness, and any mix of the two had constantly been in my mind for the next 6 months. Within that time I had many times thought of how to deal with my friend's death, and still not upset my adoptive father. He gave me his condolences, and he decided that what he did was unfair. After 2 more months, the king had been found often sitting in his study, locked in thought, or sitting on his large, regal bed and crying himself to sleep. He felt so badly about what he had done, that he stepped down from the throne and gave me the crown.
Now you may be thinking: Oh, but Jester, why would your own 'father' kill your best friend?
There's a reason for that. Why would my loving adoptive father want me to leave him for the parents I never had? It would be just as hard on him as it would be for any parent who's lost a child. He killed Jelleofrey because he was afraid I would leave him for my birth parents. Although I was near certain I wouldn't do such a thing, there was still the possibility, and he didn't want to chance it.
After attaining the crown, I made an important decision.

I destroyed the crown. I had taken down the monarchy. I singlehandedly freed the entire 3 million people of Jellonia from one man's rule. Me. All me, the silly jester who played pranks on His Majesty's subjects. The government soon became a Jamsiglian one, and peace had been attained. What became of the king? After his resignation, he lived his life as a noble and lived in the castle. My parents were never found. As for me, well, I'm just an old fairy tale now. Every once in a while, a passerby asks if I am who they think, and I just nod and go on. I live in a small cottage at Easting's pass and Shtalkwinn avenue. If you want to find me, meet me at the Wise Guy. It's a pub. I'll be there.

I'm just a dude. I'll come visit you. I'm bringing potatoes.

Greetings, just a dude. What kind of potatoes may you be bringing, may I ask? Only certain types of vegetable are allowed in Jellonia.

The bitterest of sweet potatoes.

Ah, good. We can make sweet potato spread. Did you bring any grain?

I brought half-grain wheat.

So, if I remember correctly, there was this young kid that...

I'm just kidding, I wanted to post something and break the conversation.

Mmm, yes. I have the materials to bake a couple loaves of bread. Would you like any jam sandwiches?

I am sandwichman, and I am bringing cookies made of jam, peanut butter and my hand. May I join in your conversation?