You get a little slip of paper that reads:

I insert a rampaging Godzilla.

You receive a square of film.

I insert 60001 characters.

You get a boot to the head.

I insert a live grenade.

You get it in your back pocket.

I insert a grenade launcher.

You get a Green-Aid Lawnchair.
I insert bacon and Cheerios.

You are eaten backwards. YAY!

I insert a copy of Half-Life.

You get a pet headcrab.

I insert a crowbar.

You're smooshed. Game over.

I insert some awesome music.

Also, you really need to change that purple. A couple of shades lighter or something.

You get an annoying color in every post.
I insert a giant robot.

You get a giant-sized laser gun shot to the face.
I insert stamps.

The vending machine tips over and flattens you against the giant paper on the ground. You're a giant stamp!

I insert a virus

The Machine launches a can into your groin.
I insert Skynet. LET THE TALES OF THE SENTIENT VENDING MACHINE BEGIN ANEW!