I have no idea what you're talking about, Shadow. My computer can definitely not time travel.

That would be silly.
We keep that particular brand of DiceMaster/Meister/Lord software on our flash drives.

Can i apply to thy waiting list now?If yes,THAR IT BE!
Name:Akron
Age:22
Equipment:Military Medkit,backpack,14 corrosive gas grenades(used with grenade launcher)scalpel,3 boxes of magnum rounds(18 rounds each) and a tent kit.
Appearance:Tall,athletic with green eyes and curly hair.
Primary Weapon: Grenade launcher
Secondary Weapon:Desert eagle
Tertiary Weapon:Hunting knife
Abilities:Doctor(+1 to healing actions),helper(+1 to helping actions)
Role:Medic

See? I like this one. Simple but effective. And because I'm pedantic, what's Akron's surname?

Tokochiro (-) Akron
Appearance: 22, Tall, athletic, green eyes and curly hair.
Abilities:
Doctor (+1 to healing actions)
Helper (+1 when assisting others)
Weapons:
Grenade launcher (Loaded, slung)
Desert eagle (7 of 7 rounds, holstered)
Hunting knife (Double-edged, sheathed)
Inventory: Backpack (25 slots)
- Military Medical kit (5 uses, includes scalpel)
- 14 corrosive gas grenades (ammunition only)
- 3 boxes of Magnum rounds (18 rounds each)
- Tent kit (1 turn to erect, roll dependant)
Condition/s

LOOK AGAIN. THIS POST IS NOW DIAMONDS A ROLL.

FoiL (5) Andrew Rodrigues
Andrew gets angry. Reeal pissed off. The leftover Piranha attack, and he bashes them away easily.
Berserk Mode enabled.
Appearance:
20, Black hair, brown eyes, 6', well built.
Abilities
Fists of fury (+1 to actions involving melee)
Forced Break & Entry (+1 to actions involving breaking things)
Hyper Focus (+1 concentration. 0 of 6 uses)
RAGE FACE (+1 to intimidation & pain-ignorance)
Anti-Laser (Immune to attacks using Pure Energy as a Main Source, unless rolling a 1)
Blast-Proof (Immune to explosive forces, unless rolling a 1)
Mental Link - Vladimir ('Telepathy' with Vladimir)
Berserk Mode - Uses all abilities and an additional +1 to all rolls. -1 to the roll in which you exit this mode. Maximum 5 consecutive uses and 2 turn cooldown.
Weapons
AA-12 (0 of 32 Rounds, slung)
Beretta 92FS (7 of 10 rounds, holstered)
Extendable baton (Wielded)
Inventory
Top gun sunglasses (Worn)
Blast-Proof Jacket (Pockets: 7 slot used, 3 available)
- Jacket Usage Manual (1 slot)
- 9 Rations (+1 to next action, 3 slots)
- A water bottle (+1 to next action, 2 uses, 1 slot)
- Ammo (5 Handgun magazines, 2 slots)
Waist Pockets (18 slots used, 2 available)
- 3 rockets for a SMAW (6 slots)
- Swiss army knife (1 slot)
- Utility Machete (1 slot)
- Ammo (3 Drums, 4 Magazines, 10 slots total)
Botanist's Backpack (16 slots used, 14 available):
- Flare Gun and 4 red flares (6 slots)
- A Folding Shovel (3 slots)
- Some empty vials (3 slots)
- 30ft of rope (5 slots)
- Briefcase (Broken lock but closed, 4 slots)
Condition(s)
Heavyweight (-1 to any actions involving fast movement)
Broken Leg (Splinted, -1 to jogging and faster, belt-tied to stop blood flow)
Split Scalp (Bleeding from forehead, -1 to taking head damage)
Misaligned Shoulder (Doctor/Medic required, minor tasks with preferred arm only!)
Crispy (Burns, -1 every second turn, requires burn medicine) NEXT TURN
Berserk (+1 to all rolls, -1 to exiting roll, 5 uses left)

Ociamarru (4+2=6) Vladimir Ivanov
The only snake closest to Vlad is the Anaconda, so that's his next target. He sprints ahead again, circling the large snake. As he circles, his foot drops into a grassed-over hole and he stumbles. The Anaconda takes its chance, and strikes. Vlad deflects it over his shoulder, but the snake's body starts to wrap around his leg and his knife isn't sharp enough to puncture the snake's thick scaly skin.
Appearance:
27, Russian. 6' 2", shaved blonde hair, green eyes, well built.
Abilities
Cybernetics (+2 to mobile actions, speed is doubled, 2 of 5 uses)
Athletic (+1 to mobile actions)
Scar-face (+1 Intimidation, -1 Charisma etc)
Resilience (Gains one extra roll before death)
Pilot Training (Able to fly aircraft, Cannot roll 1s)
Mental Link (Can project thoughts to others and 'see' theirs)
Slow Motion (Uncontrollable)
Instinctual Actions (Vladimir does things without thinking or knowing)
Say what? ( ??? )
Weapons
Saiga-12 Combat Shotgun (8 of 8 shells, slung)
Khazar-replicated knife (Wielded)
Inventory
Containment Unit (34 slots used, 16 available)
- Carved Wooden Statuette of self (1 slot)
- Radio (1 slot)
- Cellphone (Reception: 3/5, 1 slot)
- Flare gun with 2 green flares (4 slots total)
- Ammo (18 Shotgun Shells, 8 handgun magazines (80), 9 slots total )
- 5 days of Rations (15 meals, 5 slots)
- TOP-SECRET Information File (4 slots)
- Bubblewrapped Mechanical Cube (Downed Phoenix?) (3 slots)
- Medical kit (2 of 5 Uses, refillable, 5 slots)
- Cybernetic Enhancement Kit (1 Use left, nonrefillable, 1 slot)
Condition(s)
Rested for ∞ turns, ∞ turns before tiredness.
Fail Chest? (Healed?)
Shot in the foot (-1 to running every second turn)
Snake on your leg (Obviously, -1 to moving said leg. Bloodflow restricted)

Point.Blank (3) Asfer Wilks
Asfer spins around, trying to get a bead on the stupid bird, but it stays attached to the rear of the Exo-suit. He gives up, and shuts down the suit to avoid any more damage.
Appearance:
Pilot: 21y/o. Mobile Armored Frame EXpirimental 103 Cannon Exosuit.
Abilities
Large Muscle Mass (+1 to action requiring strength)
Sixth sense (+1 to detecting enemies, traps etc)
Mental Link - Vladimir ('Telepathy' with Vladimir)
Super Sprint (Diverts all power to the legs of the Exo-Suit to sprint. Max 3 consecutive uses. +2 to sprints, -2 to any other power-using action)
Weapons
Mk.III 40mm Revolver Cannon (6 of 6 rounds, 1 turn to reload) FRAG SHELL - READY
Mk.II 5.7x28mm Vulcan Gun (150 of 250 rounds, 1 turn to reload) READY
Bladed Shield (Left arm) EXTENDED
Inventory
MAF-EX103C Exo-suit (1 turn to enter/exit)
Ultra-compact generator (Recharged by light, 5% per turn if resting, damaged)
Sensor node (Left Shoulder, IR, NV, auto-targeting camera)
Rear cargo container: (18 slots used, 32 slots available)
- 40mm cannon rounds (6xHE, 6xFrag, 6xSmoke, 6xStun, 12 slots total)
- 500 spare Vulcan rounds (6 slots total)
Condition(s)
Loud (-2 to sneaking, stealth etc)
Heavyweight (-1 to any actions involving fast movement)
Wounded Left Calf Muscle (-1 to using lower left leg) Semi-healed
Limp (Old wound, -1 to jogging or faster)
Heavy Armour (Asfer's body is mostly safe from harm)
Generator Power 37% (COUPLINGS DAMAGED - POWER NOT CONTAINABLE)
Lockdown (Suit cannot move, must be repaired before it can power up again)

HighEndNoob (1) Kyle Berguard
Kyle takes off, trying to shake the damn thing off his arm. Unknowingly, he runs straight into the middle of the group of Piranha that were attacking him. Stupid.
Appearance:
French. 5'8", goatee, green eyes.
Abilities
Marksman (+1 to longrange combat)
Pyromaniac (+1 when using explosives or flame)
Mental Link - Vladimir ('Telepathy' with Vladimir)
Weapons
FAMAS-G2 (24 of 30 Rounds, Burst-fire mode, wielded)
Dual Golden Desert Eagles (4 - 5 of 9 Rounds ea, holstered)
Katana (Sheathed)
Inventory
Holographic Sight (Mounted on FAMAS)
KAC Masterkey Shotgun Attachment (Mounted on FAMAS)
Recoil-countering Wristguards (95%% Energy)
Backpack (23 slots used, 2 available)
- 5 Flashbangs (Non-Lethal, Audio/Visual, 2 slots)
- 5 Claymores (Lethal, contains ball-bearings and shrapnel, 5 slots)
- 4 Molotov Cocktails (Flammable, 2 slots)
- Cigarette Lighter (100% Fuel, 1 slot)
- 3 Semtex Plastic Explosives (Waterproof, malleable, 2 slots)
- 4 C-4 Explosives (Everything-proof, malleable, 2 slots)
- Detonator (C-4/Semtex, 1 slots)
- 5 Spare Magazines per weapon (15 total, 7 slots)
- 11 Spare Shotgun Shells (1 slot)
Condition(s)
Highly Explosive (Roll a 1 when shot and one of your explosives blow up)
Recoil-Countering (+1 accuracy, -1 when Energy has run out)
Explosives (Roll 3+ to successfully use, 2=fumble, 1=premature explosion, 6=dud)
SHARP TEETH OH GOD GET IT OFF (Can't use preferred arm)
Surrounded (THERE'S - TOOMANYOFEM)

Sakiskid (4+1=5) Tyler Smith
Tyler gains his composure again, whips out his Machete and CHOPs off the Snake's head. The body flops to the ground and the Snake's jaws relax, letting go off his Hoodie.
"Phew. This is a good jacket."
He sheaths the Machete.
Appearance:
19, 6 foot, shaggy hair, skinny grey jeans, T-shirt, dark zippered-hoodie, skate shoes.
Abilities
Stealth (+1 to stealth actions)
Athletics (+1 to agility-related actions)
Chaotic (Things are more chaotic or gory around you)
Akimbo (Can use both USP and UMP45 at once, 5+ to fire successfully)
Weapons
Silenced H&K UMP45 (25 of 25 rounds, stock-less, wielded)
Silenced H&K USP .45 (6 of 12 rounds)
Machete (sheathed)
Ballistic Knife (Single use unless retrieved, sheathed)
Pair of Throwing Knives (1 turn to extract from shoes)
Inventory
Skiing mask
Open-Wound-Closing Gel in a plastic vial
Chocolate snack bar
iPod
Skullcandy headphones
Garrote (5 of 5 uses)
Ammo (1x UMP45, 2x USP)

Game Events
It is early morning.
The party's Allies kill off a few of the attacking animals, mainly Piranha and Snakes.
Attacking Enemies:
Snakes, 1 Anaconda, Wild boar, 1 Panther, Jaguars, 1 Bird, Monkeys, Aligators, 8 Piranha
Kills:
Andrew: 4 +260 Piranha
Vladimir: 2 + 10 Piranha
Asfer: 10 + 250 Piranha
Kyle: 1 + 1 Piranha
James: 7 + 250 Piranha
Tyler: 2 + 11 Piranha
Barker: 8 + 5 Piranha
Allies: 5+ 205 Piranha

And I thank you for finally fulfilling the much-needed roll of medic. I like how you added in Helper so that if you're healing us you get at least a 3 :3

Vault myself at any animals near me and tear them apart, either with my fists or my katana.

Berserk mode looks pretty neat.

Carp. Do Flashbangs affect fish? Pull out Masterkey and fire randomly.

I laughed so hard.

NEED HELP

Call over the intercom for help.

Ah, well the 'smart' will work anyway - and, much like James' WITH BOTH HANDS HERP DERP, you can just always say you think hard about it.

Kind of like how my rage-face evolved into a pain blocker and such.

I too wonder what Akron's surname is.