You get two severed thumbs.

I insert a crappy operating system. vista.

You get a worse one. Mac.

You insert a porn magazine.

The machine spits it out with a note saying: "Agreed"

Why must I be ninja'd so much?

The vending machine begins to vibrate, then it stops and releases the same magazine, but it is now covered in a suspicious fluid.

I insert clou- wait! Not a good idea... how about a terrorist?

You recieve a map of the world, with certain middle eastern countries Circled. On the corner of the map, in a name section it says " Property of G.W.Bush."

I Insert Gasoline.

The machine converts it into pure Xenocronium. Which as we all know, is the fundamental compound when making statues of Data.

In goes one of my ninjas and a little "borrowed" Xenocronium.

out comes a statuette of Data in a ninja costume.

I insert Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic for PC, bought with Steam; but NOT during the sale today.

You get ripped off.

I insert some of the horrific smileys we have on this forum.

You get a note from prometheus: "Get bent, I spent a lot of work on those."

I insert the funky sprites that this forum has.

You get a thank you PM from... most people in the forum.

I insert a chocolate bar.

You get a swedish pimp

I insert people's confusion on females on forums.

You get a cross between Dauss and Duh.

I insert Modertor [capital letter for respect] art.

You get confused everybody.

I insert a coupon for one free soda at participating vending machines.

You get nothing. The vending machine doesn't participate in childish offers such as those. It would much rather spend its valuable time in recuperation from its recent processor-attack.

I insert the Pope.

You get lies.

I Insert a medkit.

you get Pills!

I insert 1 USD, and press A1.