You get immortality as a ghost. Good luck trying to commit suicide again.

I insert EA Games.

You get Command and Conquer Generals 2 :3

I Insert Paranoia series logs.

You get the transcripts to the Marble Hornets Slenderman videos.
I insert the new Xbox 250GB with controller.

You get more payed live internet bills.

I insert Religion and politics in a bundled pill.

You get nausea.

I insert a month of summer with unemployment.

You get 500 days of summer.

I insert Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

You get a signed photo of him and you.
I insert a 4x4 Lego Block.

You get this classic lego set

I put in a glass of water

You get a glass of wine. OMG HOLY VENDING MACHINE.

I insert a humungous slab of polished marble.

You get a bust
I insert Raochin De Soop

You get a posable doll of The Governator, Arnie, of California. it has 93 moving parts and a pull-string to make it talk!
I insert a Nokia 5730 XPressMusic

You get a piece of crap.
I insert a good book

You get a kindle.

I insert an ushanka http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ushanka

You receive bear cavalry.
I insert a greatcoat made of Dragonskin. (Credit goes to grif for the idea)

You get a dragon with an impenetrable hide, who promptly flames you.

I insert xkcd.