I get chomped on by the vending machine because crumbs were not enough.

I insert my avatar.

Samus pops out of the machine and shoots you.
I insert MY avatar.

The machine goes to Vegas.

I insert Mike Hawk.

You get a fruit fly in a jar.
I insert a cruddy drawing of Doug.

It spits out a blue dog and adoption papers for "Porkchop", what a terrible name for a dog.

I insert a snobby bumper sticker

The machine transforms like a transformer into a not so impressive tricycle.

I insert Notch.

you get the best game ever, minecraft
i insert secret Friday updates

You get working SMP inventory.

I insert a DRL Dev Log update.

You get the end of the world.
I insert a chain letter and $6.00 USD

I steal the six bucks and buy a mc chicken sandwich.

I force an annoying troll down the coin slot

You get one golden ticket.

I insert an iron cactus dildo.

You recieve screams of pain from within- 'Ow, my eye!'

Insert combination for HL2 vending machine secret hideout door.

You walk into the hideout and find thousands of angsty nerds who think they are entitled to something because they are "good" at video games.

I insert a console fanboy

You receive a book with all the fanboy's useless knowledge within.

I insert a Zergling.

You receive a splicing "tonic", you inject it into yourself and gain the ability to link telepathically with the hivemind, who doesn't speak your language, as well as burrow underground.

I put in toas- wait wait, buttered toast.