I looked out through the window, looking down upon the mostly uninhabited planet. It's funny, only 6 inches of reinforced glass between the safety of the station and the cold vacuum of space. We came across the planet in one of our scouting missions, our sensors detecting that this globe of dirt and water was saturated with gold. We thought we'd hit the jackpot.

Until we noticed the Tradestar orbiting around the planet. And where there's Tradestar, there's Whitebots. Tradestar Midas, they call it, no doubt named after the ancient fable of the man with the golden curse. I chuckled mentally. Curse, eh? For anyone trying to claim the planet for themselves, at least.

Fortunately, they welcomed us to the planet. We arrived at the Tradestar, and they were slightly surprised. As they subsequently explained, they hadn't even advertised this planet to the main civilization centers of the universe yet. See, this was the Whitebots' formula for keeping their civilization wealthy:

1. Scout out unoccupied planets filled with gold.
2. Advertise to any known factions of the universe.
3. Hand out weapons and clones to all sides, getting steadily wealthier as the factions clash on the surface, constantly buying crafts, bodies, weapons, etc.

Eventually, the fighting sides end up with their pockets emptier than before, as the Whitebots floating above count their profit. The lucky ones have enough money left over to survive or escape. The unlucky ones go broke, abandoned and unable to defend themselves from invaders.

It makes me sick, but that's how the Whitebots work. And without their Tradestars, we'd be up a creek without a paddle in this soon-to-be warzone.

A tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see the three eyed face of a Whitebot Caretaker.

"Excuse me sir," He said with a synth tone inflection. "Preparations are ready. You may use our materializer at any time to begin construction of your bunker."

I waved him off. "Just zap in a Unitec Big One for me, ok? By the way, are the DarkStorm modules decrypted yet?"

He shook his head. "No sir. The data decryption will take at least a few more years to reach completion."

I sent him off to build the bunker, sighing silently. At least no one was in the Ketanot region yet. It should be pretty smooth sailing from here.

What's the worst that could happen? Certainly not a full blown skirmish.

Just a simple mining mission, nothing more.

been awhile since someone did one of these, so far looking good!

Actually looks pretty good. Just hope it doesn't get dropped like most older fan-stories did.

Great, another retard who thinks they are an aspiring writer. A full stop does not equate to a paragraph break. Stop adding carriage returns to make your story seem long. It's obnoxious.

Use double-hyphens instead of commas for pauses.

You added one little bit of dialog. Throw it out. Stick with the narration.

Your sentence structure is boring and monotonous. Change up your structure.

Mod content cameos seem forced, unnatural.

Miscellaneous grammatical errors. At least you managed to spell most of everything right and bothered to follow most applicable capitalization rules.

I have cracked the pattern to THOR's posting pattern!
*AHEM*

From A to B:

-Original Post: Insert one of the following:
<Aspiring Hope>
<Newbie>
<Repeat Offender>
<Fanfiction>
<LUA....Sparkle Magic!>
<Mod>
<Easily Dismantled Point/Argument>

-Reply #1 (Rarely THOR): Insert one of the following:

God DAMMIT are you mad?! This is DRL's best kept secret weapon, I should have you flogged!

It's literature. The invocation of the 54 whatever of the Grammar whatever is pretty much required.

His writing sucks. I explained to him why.

Would you rather I just said "Dude you're a terrible writer!" You dumb ♥♥♥♥. I give clear, yet undetailed criticism, you cry. I give slightly less concise but equally as verbose and detailed criticism, you cry.

I know half of you would just love for me to stop posting, but uh--dream on.

You all cry because "I never have anything positive to say." First off, that is a truckload of bull♥♥♥♥. Secondly, I have so little positive to say about contributions to this project because over 80% of them suck balls.

Now what do you want from me?

I'm surprised nobody has yet screamed "troll!" like they love to do with me. Maybe you're just more eloquent in your delivery of the painful truth.

Back on topic please - Thor, your criticism is just and manly - I am British, so I know about these grammatical thingies.

A good start to the story, expand and take on Thor's points.

I thought that the TradeStar obtained money from brokering goods, weapons, and troops.

Sorry. On other forums I'm on, I'm notorious for writing walls of text, so I developed a habit of separating out the lines a bit too much.



Ok.



Yeah, dialog is not my strong point.



Reading back on them, they do seem very formulaic. I'll try to fix that.



I agree. It was rather forced, I was playing with the idea in my head to add a reference or two in my head, and eventually went, "What the heck, I'll add it in anyway."



Could you point those out so that I can fix them?

I appreciate the criticism, every post helps.

Believe me, I understand the walls-o-text-o-phobia, but when it comes to literature, proper paragraphing is crucial. The other thing about that is writing stories tend to be more verbose than forum posts. Forum posts should (generally, be terse and concise [short and to the point]), whereas a grand narrative should seek to be as grandiose as possible (depending on the writing style).

With regards to your grammar, you have some simple subject-verb agreement issues, and occasionally you change tenses (past, present, past participle). best if you figure those out on your own.