I dont care about your wanguard
After 1000 years i have waken up and started to chase you with chainsaw

Your Chainsaw is long broken. So is like every weapon.

I enjoy the Show you all do.

I wake up 1000 years earlier and wonder what's going on.
I push you down a cliff in da past.

Im falling down 30 m, i broke most of bones but in 1000 years i regenerated my body
I also in here found this rusty chainsaw
When i see chainsaw is useless im starting running to nearest city for shotgun

Theres no City. And there are no Weapons, as i vanish them all.

I feed you some Pancakes.

Stop giving pancakes, its your 6-10 try
After that speech i throw them all to sky start shoot them with every weapon i can use

That means no weapon, eh?

They all fall down on you.

I actualy had machine gun and pistol (only not shotgun, left in town)
Im starting to shoot them at you after vanguishing pancakes

You... don't seem to get the point. You have no weapons. At all. None. Nada. They're all gone. None of us have weaponry, nor the means to create it. It's just you and your fists. Bring it.

I find a semi-comfortable rock and use it as a chair, while pondering what your next action shall be.

I beat you
in a Game of Counter Strike Source.

I tell you you have to do the Challenge of playing "Mario must die" in a Speedrun

I am sotel11. I have already done that more than once.

I begin reading to you, the entire series of Game of Thrones. Slowly. Each sentence taking an hour to complete. In a silly voice.

I listen to your wonderful telling of A Song of Fire and Ice.

I send you off to tell George R.R Martin to finish the new books sometime before he dies.

I dont go to him.

DId i ever tell you the Story of "The Hobbit" ?

No
Im starting to fly my quadracopter with machine gun (wich i just summoned from parallel universe) and start to shoot nearest persons

You miss

I use AA guns