You get a small novelty soda can.

I insert a pair of skis.

You get a swimsuit.

In insert a tiny white house statuette.

You get a tiny letter saying:


I insert the mayan calendar.

You get a screaming mob of people. You manage to hear some parts of their screaming:
"...mayas..."
"21st of december 2012!!!"
"The woooorld is gonna eeeend..."

I insert the 24-hour system.

You get this.

I insert an inflatable lifeboat.

you get a deflatable deathplane

I insert some buckshot via a shotgun.

You get a pile of legal papers concerning a lawsuit.

I insert a box full of children's building blocks.

You get a roll about several adventurers possessing incredible powers gifted through magical glyphs, spelled out on the ground in block letters.

I insert Katy Perry.

A nozzle pops out of the machine and douses you in thick whipped cream.

I saw a chunk of metal off of the vending machine, and reinsert it.

The machine rebuilds the section, then gives you a bill for the repairs.

I insert an ethernet cable attached to my laptop.

Your laptop screams violently as it's raped.

I insert a pickle

You get a Superiour Drink, TEA.

I insert a Vendotron 5000 from happy vendors incorperated.

You hear a grinding noise and you receive a note with a dollar attached saying "Thank you for helping to lower competition."

I insert myself into the machine.

You get access to all the snacks inside.

I insert a fishing hook attacked to a fishing line and rod.

You get Shovelware.

I insert the dollar and press the third button down.