wow guys stop actioning so fast >:c
roll later today

i lied
apologies for the awful roll schedule
school takes up a lot of time and what free time i have i want to use to have fun
i wouldve rolled this weekend but i was at my cousins'
i will try to get a roll out tomorrow but no guarantees

its the roll youve all been waiting for..

Roll 13, yes - Day 4746

Harzipan - Isaac 5:
Here we go! Space Comdums! Your dyslexic eyes can't tell the difference! Oh ♥♥♥♥! Why are there so many exclamation marks!!!!!!!!
Opening the box, you are surprised to see that the "condoms" aren't actually rubbers, but instead pills! You suppose they prevent sperm flow and/or production temporarily?? Who knows.
INGEST? Y/N



Roast Veg - Bodil 8:
You enter the games room and look for a good game to play..
Ah, yes, this one! A classic. It's called "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 28". This was one of your favorites when you were little! A real gem.
You pop it into the CROSSTANGLE 1080 and grab the controller. As usual, the title screen is delayed by the 2 hour cutscene that you can't skip! It's super hardcore. There's sweaty men running at each other with guns and TONS OF BLOOD AND GORE
EXTREEEEEME
Heavy metal plays in the background. This is super relaxing.



Unwoundpath - Waqu 13:
You put the Cap on anesthetics and slice open his chest. You immediately notice the puncture in his lung.
Slowly and delicately, you remove the fractured bones from the lung. Using HIGH-TECH BIOGLUE you close up the lung. Now to repair his bones.
You carefully move the bones back into place and wrap them with biodegradable medical tape. Ahh, the wonders of medicine.
The tape administers pain-killers to the subject while simultaneously keeping the bones in place.
Sowing his chest back together, and wrapping the outside of him with some gauze to sturdy-ify his torso further, you finish.
Wait, no, you still have to get his hip.
Taking a closer look with the analyzer, it appears that it's only a minor fracture. It should heal within 7-8 days.



TheKebbit - Havelock 4:
You check for an option that causes the shield to start at the hull and slowly move out. There is none that you can see..
You might just have to go all in and see if it does that anyway, or maybe even if it can kill the creature outright despite what you expected.



CrazyMLC - Jonathon 6:
You head to the janitorial closet, enter through your secret door, and find your blow-up doll.
You begin making out with it, voraciously grasping at the balloon with your mouth.
You also get one of these.



TheChairman - Richard 6:
You already have. It's been like, a long time since then.
But now you're on your ship. You appear to have just been operated on. Surgically. Your chest hurts a bit but not as much as before, and you have a minor limp.







Lots of ♥♥♥♥ happens.

its the roll youve all been waiting for but for a significantly shorter time..

Roll 14. MM-HMM. - Day 4746

Harzipan - Isaac 3:
You fail to find English. He appears to have disappeared! You don't know where he could have gone.



Roast Veg - Bodil 1:
You can't do that, you're still watching the cutscene.
However, there is a guy shooting a sniper at a personified Russian tornado. That's close enough right? It's your favorite part of the movie cutscene!
Speaking in an UNGODLY well-crafted-in-a-completely-unironic-way Russian accent, the tornado throws the guy off a ♥♥♥♥ this ok nevermind no this is stupid

You turn off the CROSSTANGLE 1080.
What will you do now?



Unwoundpath - Waqu 12:
You grab your firearm and help Richard up. Just as you do, Dagenham says over comms:
"Attention, crew. I have been forced to take extreme measures. Get your weapons ready and retreat to a safe area in-ship."
"Isaac, this also means you."
You decide to bring Richard and yourself to the hallway just outside the janitor's closet. You check inside the closet to find there is a strange opening leading to a dark shaft..
GO IN? Y/N



TheKebbit - Havelock 16:
The button goes *click* as you press it. The shields power on.. The moment of truth. Do or die. If this goes wrong..
The sharp hum of the shield kicks in and on the cameras you are surprised to see the beast completely ANNIHILATED. Chunks fly in every which way before the initial force that caused them to burst outwards dissipates and they are suspended mid-space.
A breath of relief exits you. You are safe, for now.
..no.
You're never safe here.



CrazyMLC - Jonathon 2:
♥♥♥♥, the fuzz. Er, the medic. He's found you! He's squandered your plans! ono! That face is a face and a words! gasp! ! ! ! !



TheChairman - Richard 6:
You sit outside patiently as Waqu looks through the closet for some reason. He says he notices a hole. You say what hole. He says theres just a hole and I dunno why. You say OK. You say maybe he should check it out. He says he doesnt know. He says what if theres monsters in there? You say thats ridiculous.
While all this happens, you forget you're captain and can literally order him to investigate the hole. Oh well.





Lots of ♥♥♥♥ happens. Again.