This post is dedicated to Urist "Comatose" KanzudLolor, aka The Greatest Worst Hunter Ever. In his first hunting trip, shortly after migrating to the fortress of WheelGrowled, he fought a fierce battle with a horrendous beast known only as "The Horse". After a brawl that lasted for several days, the Horse bit Urist's left arm, breaking it. The horrible injury was too much even for such a great warrior, and Urist fainted. He was quickly carried back inside the fortress, and several dwarves took turns giving him water and bandaging his wounds. Two years have passed, and Urist still hasn't woken up. A Great Hall is currently being erected as a tribute to him and his great adventures.


P.S. His arm is still broken.

At this point, it is safe to bury him. Alive.

Yep, I was gonna do that, until, a few in-game days ago, he snapped back into consciousness, with a fey mood. I though that was great, until he started yelling "I MUST HAVE TURTLE SHELLS AND CLEAR GLASS, OR I'LL GO MAD AND KILL YOU ALL!!!!". At that point, I just said what the hell and reverted to a previous save. He was much more well-mannered when he was braindead.

Turtle shells, various glasses and silk thread. The death of an unprepared fortress. I've lost many a dwarf to their obsession with thread.

Wait, you can bury Dwarves alive? Seriously?

With careful preparation, supports and levers, you too can create your own living burial system!

Also:
W.T.F. I'm ten minutes into a new fort, and my pretty badly skilled Carpenter just made a masterwork bed. It's one of the first things he's made. It's the first work order, even!

Gift horse. Mouth. Do not insert eyes.
Also, I meant bury people in coffins.

Or arms, apparently.

I've an area with massive amounts of underground soil... and I can't remember if I embarked on an underground river/pool or not. I don't think I did. No more being completely underground for me, then...

Underground soil? Lucky.

Not even that. You can just place a dwarf at the end of a narrow corridor and tell him to wall himself in. For bonus points, tell him to stand over a coffin while doing this.

...Surprisingly, dwarves can survive for some good time while walled-in. There is even that tale of the fortress which consisted of a 3x3 open space surrounded with walls, seven dwarves and enough food for a few years. Surprisingly, it ended with seven very happy dwarves with maxed-out social skills and lotsa babies, instead of them going maniac and starting to disembowel each other.



Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with Areku's Guide For Making Your Own Soil (AGFMYOS)!

Step 1: Dig a wide cave area;

Step 2: Remove rocks and other obstructions;

Step 3: Add water;

Step 4: Let it dry for a few days.

And done! Your old, unfashionable rock floor has been automagically transformed into snazzy soil! (Warning: do not ingest or insert arms. The result might not be actual soil, but similar substances wich behave in slightly different ways. Areku's Workshop Corp. Takes no responsibility whatsoever for damage caused by misuse of this product i.e. flooding, magma flooding, feral cave swalloman invasion, or other hazards of any kind. Use with caution.)

For extra bonus points, find an underground cave and/or river, flood a wiiiiide space (like 20x20 or more) and enjoy your fungal forest, infinite source of wood.

My own ranger was taken down by one of these "Horses", taking extremely heavy damage to both legs and an arm, as well as mild head injuries. He's been hospitalised for a year, to date, with no signs of recovery.
Before his injuries, however, he was able to throw a Horse off a cliff, resulting in the death of the creature, although he completely ignored the body.

UPDATE: He went berzerk. He was just there, in bed, unconcious and rather broken, then all of a sudden "Urist McHorseslayer, Ranger, has gone berzerk!"
Also, I have a migrant clothier gone into a mood. Made a workshop, sealed him up tight. He has no friends, he'll just die alone and thirsty.

If he had brain damage he would never recover.

I'm not too good at managing food, so my fortresses always die before they can properly grow.

Take Cave Wheat Seeds and Plump Spawn.
ALWAYS have crops on the go. With two fields, I have one always on plump, the other on wheat. And always got Brewing going. Until I run out of barrels.
And don't cook your goshdarn alcohol. Bring multitudes of dogs to provide you with an infinite meat/bone source. This way, you won't need to micromanage and accidently end up with water-drinking, sad dwarves. Tantrum spirals will be imminent.


He only had a yellow Head damage. And he did recover, in a way... he managed to go 'zerk and run halfway through the corridor between my hospital and mass-bedroom. Before being intercepted by two Champion Wrestlers.

Is it a good idea to ignore nobled Requires? I really don't want to deal with that. It's hard enough having a happy fortress.
And I found my first Chasm! Only regular Cave Spider Silk, Batmen, Antmen and Cave Swallowmen. Trapped up the entrance to it, as I have with my main entrance. Shouldn't need my Axe/Marksdwarves, I believe. My bear should be enough.