Is there a dwarf fortress guide for absolute ♥♥♥♥ retards? Cause I need to see it.

Here. It even comes with the game, a much less confusing tileset (Acutal pictures instead of the bloody letters!), and is designed for those who have never played in their lives.
It's also the one I'm currently using. It has devoured my soul.

My champion beat down around 10 goblins by himself before succumbing. He was given a hero's burial.

Do you have any solution for a possibley still useful hunter with a broken arm and leg, lying on the ground a short distance from my fortress, who my other dwarves refuse to acknowledge, even when I set 7 of them to do nothing but "Health Care"?

Do you have clear beds and a clear path to him and all that?

Thanks a bunch. Maybe now I can actually play the game.

I've got a less wounded dwarf in a hospital and I think I may have just realized my stupidity.

Ok, hold up. If I've got a screen res of 1280X1024, how do I make it go fullscreen without cutting off a little bit of the top?

If you're using the graphical tileset, change the resolution to full and do a bit of math to find out the most 16x16 tiles you can fit in that area, and set that in the init.txt file.

set it up better in data/init/init.txt

edit: ninja'd by duh, path still stands.

Okay kiddies, lesson here is: When you have a military, a barracks is not considered a "free bed".

Only beds that are freed are considered free beds

Does anyone know if a fortification tile will hold water?
I mean as in will water stay in the tile?

Fortifications let water through, but if you mean dropping ON it, no idea.

I meant as in: will the water accumulate in the tile in a 1-7/7 manner. I need to know to properly produce my hydro-hospital. The answer is yes.