No, not another "Tales of" game. That would be awesome though.

This thread is intended for your tales of epic. Stories you tell the guys while downin a cold one. I'm not talkin about like, you hit on some chick on your school's field trip to Six Flags. I mean stories where you were put in a movie-esque situation.

Mine started back in the 9th grade. I had been in a relationship with a smokin hot blonde chick, baby blue eyes, the works, for about 6 months. When this other girl, who I had known at that point for about 3 years, started hitting on me one day. And if you've known me for 3 days you'd know that I'm not very...monogamous. So naturally I start hangin out with this other girl more, after school, school events. Mackin, most of the time. Blowing my girl off. When one day, my girl asks me to go to the movies that night with her and some other couple, double date kinda thing. I of course say yes, cause I had no plans. Shortly after, in the last class of the day, girl #2 asks me to go to the movies that same night. And I just simply have a hard time saying "no". So I tell her yes, then call my girl and tell her the plans have changed; I have to go straight home. She of course is crushed, but understands. After school I go with this girl back to her place, and we "hang out" there for a few hours, then go to the theatres. Now, this was back when that dancing movie with Antonio Banderas was out, so she wanted to see that. We get into the theatre, get seated, make out throughout the movie, movie ends, we leave. Well, her mom isn't coming to get her for another hour, so I decide to take her out to eat at the local Fudruckers. We eat, share a strawberry shake (Yes, old school. Women love it.), and she makes the comment "Wouldn't it be funny if your girlfriend saw us?". I didn't think it at the time...but she just jynxed the night. We leave and start walkin around this deserted shopping plaza type area, hand in hand. Well, we round a corner past a movie store, and lo and behold, we see my girlfriend and her friends all in the middle of this empty parking lot, hanging out, skating, etc. I say "♥♥♥♥, let's get out of here." But it's too late. Her best friend saw us, and her face litterally went " ". She immediatly grabs my girlfriend who was turned around at the time, and makes her face us. She then makes the same face. And the two other guys that were there, more of her friends, almost died laughing. Doubled over, crying. Laughing that hard. So my girl and her best friend go off somewhere around a corner, and by now, girl #2 had left to get back to the theatre for her ride. Her two friends, the laughing ones, come up to me and just say "Dude, you are so ♥♥♥♥. You're dead", and the like. And I'm sittin there thinking "♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥...what am I gonna say...". After about 10 or so minutes, my girl and her friend come back, she's crying her eyes out, friend is giving me the stink eye. I pull my girl aside to talk to her, and she starts right in with the "You lied to me, how could you?" shtick. And I'm thinking on my toes here, I say the first thing to come to my mind, and naturally, I say; "It was her birthday. No one else could go with her, they all canceled last minute, and I didn't want her to be alone on her birthday." And she eats it up, just totally believes and trusts me. "Well you could of just told me the truth...", she says. I spend a minute apologizing, saying nothing happened, we were just hanging out, the usual. Still, she eats it up. After all of this, me and her start making out for about 10 minutes before her friends come check on us. Well, nothing happens after that, and their ride comes and gets them. Mine comes shortly after. Next school day goes as normal, her best friend still giving me the stink eye, friends givin me dap in the hallway. School day ends, and I see her to her bus, and go straight to girl #2, out behind the portables. No lesson learned, a great story to be told, and great times had.



Pre-post edit: Wow, really long post. I refuse to tl;dr summarize it for you guys.


What are your stories of epic?

Nice story, and ending.

Okay, last year, since I was the lightest guy in this group, the guys started to throw me around, probably high enough to get stuck in a tree.
And out of all the throws, I landed on my feet one-third of the time, I wished I didn't encourage more throwing, T-T.

Alright so I was in TOZ for the day, I don't remember what for. TOZ is basically where you spend all day in a hot as hell building and only get a break for lunch and exercise. During said exercise break, a couple friends and I were on the opposite side of the field from the guy who was watching us. I pulled out a can of dip, and passed it around and we were chillin', because the guy watching us didn't care about tobacco. Well he gets called away and radios in for someone to take his place. The ♥♥♥♥ dean of our school comes to replace him. I am going oh ♥♥♥♥ oh ♥♥♥♥ oh ♥♥♥♥ oh ♥♥♥♥. Friends are doing the same. We were being dumb and kept our backs to him and etc, being all suspicious. So naturally, he calls us over. The can is in the back pocket of my jeans. We're walking over, shitting ourselves, and talking amongst ourselves, trying to play it cool. We get over here, and he orders us to empty our pockets. My friend, Clinton, is pretty well known to be a druggie A.K.A. cool person, and is wearing cargo pants with 90 pockets, and is made to empty every single pocket. Friend Tyler is also cool kid, also made to empty pockets. My turn comes around. Bowels are working at full force to not explode. So I, as a last ditch effort, empty my side pockets and nothing else.
Mother of ♥♥♥♥ god, he sends us on our way. I immediately request a bathroom break.

Chewing tobacco- a common theme.
There was at my high school this kid a few years older than me. Now, he was your average 'dumb-jock' type- except this one was an exceptionally fine specimen.
He chewed tobacco, and called himself, I kid you not, 'Dipper McDipdip'. Oh, and it gets better. Apart from saying to people 'I'm Dipper McDipdip, and I dip,' like the hilarious model of human sophistication he was, he said, and believed, the following--
"Yeah, I dip to get big. I'm in my junior year, so if I dip, by the end of the year I'll grow three, maybe four inches, and then I can go into the NBA."

There's a difference between chewing tobacco and I don't know the actual term for dip.

Haha... i got a good one.

Me and my girlfriend went to see the movie Stepbrothers, so we decided to sneak in (we're under 17 ). So we get there, look around for a seat, and find a nice little spot in the top corner. So we are watching the movie for about 15 minutes when it hits the credits. I was like "WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS" cuz we ended up going into the wrong movie... The right one was directly across from it. *end of boring part*.
So then we decided to walk around the mall (the theater was at the mall), and after about 10 minutes of walking we found a couch in a deserted section of the mall. So we got there and laid down, and I was thinking to myself, "Dude... this is WAY better than seeing a movie". We got like, right on top of each other and she fell asleep on me for like 15 minutes. She woke up and we proceeded to make out for at least 15 minutes *score*. Then we laid there some more. I'm not telling you what else happened . There wasn't much else anyways. We were there for about 2 hours, and it has got to have been one of the best night we've had.

tl;dr
Me and my girlfriend went to see a movie but ended up going to a deserted part of the mall and laid on a couch.

You guys totally miss the point of this topic.

I have a good one:

I was headind to my english class till a hobo came and start calling me. I just passed by while he was calling me "gringo".
Next day, going on foot to school, I saw the same hobo, drunk, walking a few step from where I were. I just looked at him and said "...I know this guy..."
He looked at me. I looked at him...
Then he said "WHATYAH LOOKING, BRO!!" and hitted me with a dirty, nasty shoe he was holding.
I runned to school when I see the big and black, shoe-shaped stain in my shirt...

Now, I can say out loud: I was brutally attacked by a hobo (with a dirty shoe)

Movie-esque situation- yeah, I'd make the case that mine was. See, people aren't generally so stupid as to think that Skoal will make them gain two inches in height in a year.
Thus, epically ♥♥♥♥ stupid.

I actually punched somebody so hard by mistake they flipped over and landed on their face. It was incredible, and what's more, I just flung out my arm while ranting about something.

Does going to Vegas and having you and 3 other people fire automatic rifles at various targets, fruit (Which basically exploded), and at metal drums full of water (Which where more or less ripped in half), count as an epic moment? I was firing an M4 in 4-6 round bursts and using one of those crazily expensive holographic sights, which actually work great. Being the first time I've ever shot an automatic, I was pretty surprised when there wasn't that much recoil. Most of my shots hit close to each other. Unfortunately, due to the fact that I was 13 at the time I couldn't quite handle full auto, THAT had WAY too much recoil to hit anything.

No, none of those count. They're not epic. Jesus you people suck at this.

Kelas I lost a lot of respect for you reading that.

Oh ♥♥♥♥ please, he's dating two girls at once, BFD. He's in high school, none of that ♥♥♥♥ matters.

I swear I'm the only person left in the world that would never cheat on a girl...