"Why did I leave home....Why did I leave...Oh God..." The Private was shaking, his forehead coated with beads of sweat. We all felt nervous now. "This would be...third time? Yea, third assault on Citizen City." I turned to the Corporal, "Hey Samson, whats the score so far?"
"2-0 them sir. But, bases loaded and were up at bat."
"Looks good, put me down for $5, I'm good for it."
"Yea you are, I know where you keep your wallet. Don't die on your left pocket side, will you?"
"Piss off."
This planet mattered to the Coalition, it mattered a lot. It was the final bridge between Kerrisian Space, and the United Systems. A loss here would give the Kerr prime real estate against us. That wasn't going to happen if all went according to plan. Nothing ever does.

The USC Army was planning to Scab the planet if this assault couldn't hold. 'Scab' was a code term, meaning a full scale Nuclear saturation of a planet. If launched, a planet would be violently stripped of technology and life. It would be deemed un-inhabitable for around 250 years, and the surface would be reminiscent of a scab from the intense heat. The planet had already been evacuated of all civilians, and any important files had been hard copied and recovered. We either won, or killed the planet.

Still, it didn't make it easy for me. The idea, the concept, of a planets life in my hands, kept filling my thoughts. I tried to think of my home, my wife, my kid. Nothing worked. The image of a ruined planet hung on my shoulders if i failed. Was this guilt for things I haven't done? Regret for the choices I will be forced to make? I had to stop, snap out of the storm formed in my skull. My men relied on my to be ready, at all times. I forced myself to stand on shaking legs. "Ok, Fox squad, listen up! Orders are to take the Center of Citizen City and establish a forward command center and communications relay for the main force. 8th Armored is leading the charge, but is breaking off at 0800 to re-enforce the main body. After we take the center, I will give you the next assignment. Understood?"
"Sir yes sir."
"Excellent."

The Dropship began to slow, plotting the drop course. Rumbles spread through the hull, as the atmosphere burned around us. The Shaking grew and grew, until it stopped. A collective sigh spread, as fresh air flowed through the vents. Distant shockwaves and explosions set the mood.The viewports slide open, showcasing a vista of warfare. Planetary Assault ships and Light Destroyers drifted in the sky, like metal whales, swimming against gravity. The city looked like a sprawling expanse of smoke, fire, and ruins.
"ETA 3 minutes."
The fighter escort broke off, returning to the staging ship for refueling.
"2 Minutes."
The men sat stone faced. For most, this was the first mission. Others, this was a somewhat familiar dance. For few, this was a dull routine. For me, my twelfth engagement.
"1 Minute, Get your gear secured and weapons loaded. Were dropping hot."
The soldiers stood at attention, fastening straps, checking diagnostics, loading weapons.
"10,"
"9,"
"8,"
"7,"
"6,"
"5,"
"4,"
"3,"
"Get ready!" I yelled over the noise on the ground.
"2,"
"1!"



Discalimer: This is not a "yay post stories yay", this is akin to Dausses story thread. I will update every time I write something, and you can give constructive criticism. The story will expand, and is basically my rough draft of one of the Sunrise story arcs. Thanks.

You wrote 'were dropping hot', it should be 'we're'.
Yea is yes, yeah is what I think you meant.
Check for capitalization of I's as well- near the 'scab' description.
And Citizen City?
Seriously.
It's ok, but needs some work... nothing a spellchecker and a brief troll through Wikipedia for interesting names for cities won't fix.

What?

How is Citizen City bad?

You do realize this isn't earth, right?

Citizen City.
Think about the name, it's the gayest name for a city ever. It's like 'Animal Zoo' or 'Tree Arboretum' or 'Lava Volcano'.

I think it's fine. It's meant to be the Civilian hub on that planet.

The Avian Aviary.
But anyway, pretty good, but you're not Dauss.

The Smash almost broke my teeth. Combat Dropships were never meant for comfort. They were meant for fast, easy deployment of troops under fire. Shock absorbers keep the impact from killing us outright, while the shockwave ideally knocks out nearby enemies. "Ok, into some cover men." The 19 Soldiers in my group scattered into the nearby buildings and rubble. Clicks went out on the radio when they were in position. "Everyone good?"
"Yes sir."
"Alright, lets regroup and head-" A crack rang throughout the plaza, as a private fell dead.
"SNIPER, GET DOWN!" The men disappeared into cover, waiting for orders. "Harker, take him out."
"Yes sir." Harker was the marksman in the squad. I had been with him 5 years, but he felt like a brother I never had. Harker gathered himself, and dashed to a new spot. 3 more shots rang out, hot on his heels.
"In position sir."
"Take him out."
"Right." The shot managed to hit the neck of the Kerrisians armor, ravaging the jugular vein. As the soldier bled out, a medic rushed over to the fallen private.
"He's Dead." The men paused, in respect for the fallen soldier.
"Alright then, let's move out. Cardelli and Marcus on point. Stick together."

The city was a graveyard. Bodies from both sides littered the streets, clutching their fatal wounds. Strangely, there was little resistance. The Kerr must have pulled most of the troops out to the outskirts. As we turned the corner, we could hear a faint rumble coming closer. As the sound grew closer, the source of it turned the corner. "Red tank, get down!" A cannon shot streaked past the squad, and into a building behind them. The shell exploded, and littered the air with shrapnel. The Anti-Personnel gun swung around to suppress the soldiers. "We need to get out of the street, form on me." I ducked as led the men into a deserted cafe. The patrons were most likely long gone, seated in evac ships. As the men filed in, the tank roared back to life, desperate not to lose its prey.
"Whos got an AT gun, anyone?" No one answered. The tank rounded the corner, the MG blind firing, hoping to hit someone. The Main gun swung around to aim at the cafe. A shot fired, and fire and smoke filled the air. I looked up and saw that the cafe was unharmed. The tank was taking the fire. The radio buzzed on, "You guys need some help?" It was the 8th armored. As the Kerr tank took a second shot, the main gun focused on its new target. It fired a retaliatory shot, the metal slug slamming into its target in a deafening blast. A third shot hit the Kerr tank, and it began to creep backwards, struggling to escape. A fourth shot slammed into the treads, and the crew tried to escape the tank. I fired a few bursts from my Rifle, dispatching the men as they crawled out. The air fell silent, as the squad gradually crept from the cafe. The tank that rescued us rode in to meet us, the commander waving from the turret. "Seems like you boys need an escort. Good thing we showed up, huh?"
"I couldn't think of anyone else I'd like to see back there. Whats the current situation, it looks like the city's empty."
"Well, the Kerr pulled out most of their force to face off at Mosko Valley, a connection between here and the Shipyard. You guys need to get going, HQ needs that forward radio set up."
"Lets roll."

A few unneccesary capitalizations, 'The smash' 'The 19 soldiers',
apostrophes... 'the Kerrisian's armor' 'who's got an AT gun'

A good read.

The story is meant to be read and constructively criticized. Not dissected for grammatical errors. By the way, saying the locale is gay, is not constructive criticism. It's personal bias.

Story's good by the way X.

You have a weird definition of constructive criticism. Mistakes in spelling, grammar, and mechanics like those pointed out can really halt the flow of the story, and I wouldn't mind if the city was called Neo (name of city) or City (insert a number here), but Citizen City? Citizen City. It's impossible to take Citizen City seriously.

I suppose you could make a case, but you're hardly being fair. I chose Citizen City because Its the best name for what it is, the commercial and residential hub of the planet. But please, nitpick on everything you can.

I'm liking this so far. Nothing really to constructively criticise.

Oh yes, because an overused cliché, or a parody of a popular PC game's city is SO much better.



Constructive criticism: Evaluating an individual's work, and giving helpful advice (in a nutshell, pistachios preferably...).

I like it. Not quite as good as Dauss' (what I read of it anyway). Shame I can't find the rest.

Still good though.

YES. Evaluating work is telling the owner of it what is wrong or what could be improved. I would suggest a name change though.. Citizen City does sort of halt the serious moment.
How about.. New Dracia (Noo Dray-sh-E-uh)