at least my posts are easy to read and i got something that just happened today that was epically funny.

Me and my dumb-ass friends; Chaz and Cory, got a plan. It wasn't really my idea, they usually do this kind of stuff, but I still took part in it. We had bought a milk bottle during lunch at school, and proceeded to fill it with the most disgusting and vile combination of foods there are. Like tomato sauce, ranch dressing, ketchup, mayo, cheese, part of a chicken burger, and an unidentifiable substance that we scraped off of the bottom of one of Cory's crutches. We put the lid back on and shook it up. We were planning on putting back in the milk bin, so that somebody in the next lunch would be pretty surprised. But, as usual, our scheme was thwarted when that ♥♥♥♥♥ of a teacher walked in and said, "what are you doing with that milk?" This was odd, because we didn't have the milk out at that time, it was in my pocket. SO that meant that she was spying on is the WHOLE DAMN TIME.

So Cory, being the idiot that he is, says this: "F*CK YO MAMA!!!" and runs away. The funny part is, he ran without his crutches. Me and Chaz were left standing there, dumbfounded. Then we realized that we needed to get the hell out of there too. So we ran out of the lunch room and into the nearest boys bathroom.

EDIT: KING OF THE PAGE!!

I stopped reading there.

Me and a friend of mine semi-frequently explore the rooftops of nearby commercial districts around 3am. That can sometimes get a little hairy and involve timely escapes from a warehouse roof that took us over an hour of clambering to reach.

It's caused me to develop a new-found respect for Parkour (and several cuts and bruises).

[edit] After typing this I realised I have to find myself some new hobbies.

While on vacation, I was walking across a sidewalk, when I looked down and found a sausage. This was a touristy area, so this may not seem strange, but it was rather the condition of the sausage that was epic. The sausage was pristine. Throngs of people had been walking by it all day, and not a single footprint or deformed piece. Not a single speck of dust was on it. No condiments, no remnants of buns that seemed to be stuck to it after it fell out. It even had the little grill marks and everything. Odd part is, there wasn't a single portable hot dog vendor city, so it's not like a sausage could just have fallen out of a cart.

tl;dr
Pristine sausage sitting on the ground where many people walk. Odd absence of hot dog vendors.

♥♥♥♥ you that ♥♥♥♥ is fun. ♥♥♥♥ gets scary when you get busted though.

Who the ♥♥♥♥ buys toffee? Much less, is craving it, sees it in a vending machine, and buys it. You're probably not from America.

Not necessarily epic, but meh. Has anybody here ever played chicken in a car? ♥♥♥♥ is ♥♥♥♥ scary as ♥♥♥♥.

I experienced this yesterday, and I still have a raging boner, which I got when I realized how epic it was.

I was browsing the Internet, like I do more or less every day, when I got a sudden craving for soda, so I go out, get my bike and roll through the silent night, the six hundred meters to the shop.
It was late, so I was the only customer there. The girl behind the counter said "hi" to me, and I replied, like normal people do. I walked over to the shelves, grabbed me a Coke, and walked to the register to pay. In a short moment, I got eye contact with the girl, and I saw it: On the outside, she was nothing but a student, earning her money by working hard for evil men for nothing but ♥♥♥♥ pay, but on the inside, she hated me with every molecule, with every atom of her body and soul. I laid the bottle on the register, and she looked up at me with a smiling face: "That'll be $2."
I swiped my card, and just as I was about to dial the code, I noticed I didn't have a bag with me.
"I'm gonna need a bag for that one", I said, and realized what I just had done.
With an evil grin on her face, she grabbed the bag from under the desk, and I panicked. I didn't want to pay the $0.1 the bag would cost me, so I punched in my code as her index finger flew towards the button that would set me back 10 cents. I slammed the "Enter" button, and hoped I wasn't too late. The display read "Sendind info...". I didn't dare to look the girl in the eyes, out of fear from what I might see. Then I heard it, and I was relieved: "Thank you sir, have a good evening".
I was happy beyond words, I could've jerked off in the middle of the store in pure joy. I had saved my 10 cents.

tl;dr: I was faster than the foot manning the cash register and saved 10 cents. :3

Canadia.

look, free misogynism

This story proves it's all in the telling.

Me and my friends found a car tire on top of this roof at the park.

We took it down and started rolling it everywhere.

@ophanim: agreed.
@hariku: lul whut.

i have one. well, i have more, but its better told alone

almost 2 years ago, i didnt want to live anymore. i jumped of a 8m cliff headfirst, aiming for the rocks below (search north head auckland for an idea of where it was). i pushed myself out too far, and managed to land in the water beside the rocks. as i hit the water, i start to realise both how lucky i am, and how much of a fail that was, and pull myself out, and climb back up the cliff. a 20-something year old man is looking at me, kinda *wth* like. "wow, that was close, could you do it again?"
i walked home, wondering how id explain why i was wet.

tl;dr: attempted suicide fail, plus captain misunderstanding showed up.

bah, im bad at wording at 3am. not sure if it counts as epic or just mortifying.

OMFG ... i have no words to say , omfg ...

Kinda dumb. Enjoy your angst.

huh? why? Do you have something against names that begin with the letter C?

You first-letterist.