Less discussion, more game.

The vending machine, having played and encountered and become sick of 12 year olds playing CoD (or w/e, insert shooter here), absorbs the xbox and goes to jack Data's car to cruise around town.

Data's Chevy Malibu is now VendBot's new chassis. VendBot has evolved to MaliBot! MaliBot also grows a flamethrower using the muffler.

Hyper are you ever coming home?
The MaliBot, angry at the lack of carnage, decides to make its own. It cruises around town, luring unsuspecting pedestrians near its muffler, and then toasting them a delightful charcoal color.

Optimus Prime arrives on the scene to protect innocent civilians.
I'm not talking the blocky 80's Optimus with the red pewpew guns, either. I'm talking the ass-kicking, name-taking Optimus with goddamn Wrist Swords from the more recent movies.
Also, I am back.

had to change this post like 4 times
Optimus goes in for a close encounter, lunges forward and lands a right hook on the MailBot's enormous face-neck thing, metal creaking and sparks flying everywhere! The MailBot latches onto Optimus and attempts to assimilate him

Optimus Prime rips out the vending machine's tentacles, and the ReArranged part of it is also ripped to shreds.
It returns to being a normal vending machine, and I insert a bottle cap.

He is successful!

MaliBot Prime has taken shape!

DaTa arrives home, notices that his ♥♥♥♥ got ♥♥♥♥ with, and takes his 9-year-old girlybike and PDW to town!

(I've noticed this is almost mirroring the development of DIRT/CC)

NINJA'D, DAMN YOUUUUUU

Anyways, you get a silenced 10mm pistol and designs for the Rock-It-Launcher, thanks to your seductiveness(?) giving you FO3 store discounts.

I assume this is a male vending machine, then.

At any rate, I insert a telephone.

You get a bulky old phone with the turn dial, and no cord. Also it gets stuck at 4. So you can't dial anything higher than that. Not that it can connect to anybody in the first place.

I insert a Giants home game ticket.

Awwww, that story was just getting good!

You get a front row seat. Literally. You get a plastic seat from the front row.

I insert an awesome book that rewrites itself for the reader's enjoyment every time they pick it up.

You get me.
I insert coins from china.

You get nothing due to the fact that this vending machine dosen't take money...

I Insert Cortex Command Online.

You get horribly laggy and worthless CC online which is not playable by any standards.

I insert a gamecube

You get the companion Cube.
I insert The Pentagon.

You get a bunch of trigger-happy Special Ops soldiers

I insert Jacob Zuma.