You get a slap to the face.

I insert tentacle rape.

You get the wrath of an angry goddess, manifested in spinal extraction.
I insert whitty's remains.

You get a lot of gibs.

I insert Duh's lesbian partner(s).

You receive Duh and his dog.
I insert a portal.

You get another portal, leading to the one you put in.
I (jokingly) insert the gender card.

You get miss Sakiskid.
I insert Allstone's overprotected tablet.

You receive a neat pile of Taiwanese electronics parts. As well as a puddle of my tears.
I insert Lizzrd's sticky tablet.

You get a sexual innuendo.
I insert said sexual innuendo.

and you get the hand of god.
I insert my hand trying to find the money i put in.

You retract a arm without a hand. The arm is connected to your body.
I insert a chocolate bar/snack of the machines choice.

The machine does not like candy (ironically), and shoots it back at you.
I insert a warter bottle.

The Village of Warter sends a hit squad to kill you, enraged at your use of their name without their permission.
I insert a clip of 2girls-1cup.

Tentacles spring out of the machine, and pull you in through the coin slot. Ouch.

I insert my car's keys.

The vending machine sprouts arms and legs, goes off to your car and cruises around town, picking up female vending machines.

I insert a fiber optic cable.

Still holding on to the cable, you are dragged throughout town by the vending machine in the car.

I insert shredded bits of caekdaemon.