You get a kindle.

I insert an ushanka http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ushanka

You receive bear cavalry.
I insert a greatcoat made of Dragonskin. (Credit goes to grif for the idea)

You get a dragon with an impenetrable hide, who promptly flames you.

I insert xkcd.

You get silly philosophical short movies based on how silly our perception of the universe is.
I insert A half full glass of water.

You get at least three people who disagree on how to phrase the sentence discussing the amount of fluid in the glass.
I insert seven Cheerios. Honey Nut Cheerios.

A bee flies out of the vending machine and improbably manages to kill you, because you were "stealing all our honey". That'll show you.
I insert a Logitech Speaker.

You get high off i-dosers. Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I insert Steve Jobs' bad ideas.

You get a billion dollars, but half the internet hates you.

I insert whitty.

You get a lighter that would make a green flame if it had any fluid left.
I insert a Fedora.

You get a hand cannon.
I insert Death itself.

You get a reservation to a restaurant... with very poor service...

I insert wax lips, a vial of saliva, and a blue demon plushie.

You start to get paranoid that a Blue Demon is out to kill you and mutilate your body Also, you get a fleshlight

I insert a metal lunchbox containing the essence of children's laughter.

R.I.P. Mr. Dragon.


The children's' laugh melts off your face.

I insert a pocket full of sunshine.

[It was supposed to be a kick in the groin, Yoman]

You get a whiff of unicorn farts, so nice~

I insert Die Angelus, Duh, and Blue Demon...

You get the ♥♥♥♥ kicked out of you.
I insert injokes.