Yes, the racist spooky stupid European guy is currently ♥♥♥♥.
Why/How?
When I'm starting up my computer, it goes to some disk-check thingy. It says
"Bla bla bla, checking for errors because you're too busy turning me off properly. Click any button to skip this check" and a timer at the bottom.
OK, that's all perfectly fine, but the timer won't work, so I just hit a button. It makes the screen freeze up, but after 12 hours or so, it gets to my desktop. I can move the cursor around, but not click anything.

Stupid ♥♥♥♥ I did before the comp became retarded:
.RAR'd a shitload of stuff for storage.
Downloaded "My heart will go on" BY ACCIDENT.

That's all. I could go to a guy I know to get it fixed, but for some reason, I wanna know why it ♥♥♥♥ up at least. Anyone help me?

Viruses, perhaps? Try Trinity Rescue Kit. You can burn it to a CD. (link)

Virus? I don't know... It's just taking forever.

Sounds like you're running a version of Windows pre-XP. Yeah... I'm surprised it's lasted you to 2007.